The “You’re Dead to Me” list:
Thong underwear. SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Sorry, honey, I love you but I refuse to walk around, or lie around, with a string wedgie up my crotch.
Porn video. Okay, this one I’m flexible on. I like some porn—but the kind made just for men …say, Lord of the G-Strings…I can skip.
New dish towels. Yes, one of my exes thought dish towels would make a good V-day gift. Not so much.
Tickets to the latest Saw movie. Horror films and me don’t mix. They give me nightmares for weeks afterwards. I suppose I could try Frankenpenis but…nah.
The “You Sexy God, You” list:
Change fees for our tickets back to Alaska. Maybe it’s not romantic, but if we had some extra time in Hawaii, let’s just say I promise he wouldn’t regret it.
Dinner at Paolo’s Bistro. Hint hint.
Anything chocolate. Even these.
Things I’d Rather Not See On Valentine’s Day
1. Flowers. Really. They usually arrive sans vase, which means you get to find one, clip the stems, put in the flowers, and sigh over your lack of talent as a flower arranger. And then you get to throw them out in a week when they've turned rancid. No thanks.
2. Chocolate. At this point my only defense is to not keep temptation around the house.
3. Sparkling wine with the word “sweet” or “dolce” associated with it. I love dry champagne, but syrup? Not so much.
4. Poetry. I was an English teacher for a lot of years. Whatever you want to give me, I’ve probably already read and dissected and graded papers that were written about it. They’re not memories I treasure either.
Things I’d Love to Get for Valentine’s Day
1. Tickets to the Telluride Bluegrass Festival in July. Emmylou Harris. Steve Earle. Need I say more?
2. Dinner at the Black Pearl Restaurant in Denver. Comfortable and delicious, a combo I can definitely get behind.3. A bottle of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. Kerry Greenwood calls it “nectar of the gods.” Yes ma’am, absolutely right.
4. Earrings. Any kind. Any shape. I’m an earring slut.
5. A ride on the Winter Wonderland Express Train. Preferably in the dome car.
Nine things I really wouldn’t mind getting for Valentine's Day.
1. Probably the best thing I could get for Valentine’s Day would be a gingko IV to improve my memory. Not highly romantic but, hey, at least I’d remember the rest!
2. I’d love a weekend in a romantic B&B. This one will do: http://tinyurl.com/47s2vyf I’ve actually propose
d this idea to my husband and even though the timing’s not right this year, I’m optimistic for next year.
3. A nice alternative would be breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants. I’m a big fan of breakfast and the East Bay might have the lock on most of the world’s best—everything from Mediterranean poached eggs to Caribbean French toast to an easy dozen variations on Eggs Benedict. http://www.venusrestaurant.net/
4. Or possibly a day at the spa. I’m a sucker for mud baths, hot tubs, saunas and massage…and, luckily, I know just where to get them all. http://calistogaspa.com/ If you do go, ask for “the works”.
5. A shopping spree might be nice. At LUSH, of course. http://www.lushusa.com/shop Or maybe Good Vibrations. http://www.goodvibes.com/main.jhtml Or, um…both?
What? They’re close. Both would be good. Followed by a snack—you know, to recuperate from all that shopping! And because you have to have CHOCOLATE! http://www.chocolatierblue.com/ Seriously, the pictures don’t do them justice. Each one is a work of art and delicious besides.
6. Of course, flowers are always a good choice. And I do love Cecile Brunner roses. http://www.berkeleyhort.com/roses_list.html7. Or jewelry. Conflict Free Diamonds, anyone? http://www.brilliantearth.com/
8. And, of course, some wine. I’m really liking this one, at the moment. http://www.gnarlyhead.com/Wines/Zinfandel/GnarlyHeadOldVineZin/2007.aspx
9. And then to bed. On some really nice Sferra sheets… http://www.sferra.com/category/1/1/bedding.html
Yep. Any of those would do just fine.
9 things I would love/hate for Valentine’s day.
1. Hate: Pot scrubbers. Why would I even think such a thing, you ask? Because I got some for Christmas. Romantic gift fail.
2. Love: Something fun for the bedroom. More importantly, time alone with no kids for fun in the bedroom. This would be my number 1 Valentine’s Day gift.
3. Hate: A cheap bouquet
of mixed flowers from the grocery store, obviously picked up at the last minute.
4. Love: Any flowers delivered to my office where all my co-workers can see what a loving husband I have.
5. Hate: Diamonds. Sigh. I love diamonds. But it would have to be a least one carat which is way too much money to spend right now on something so impractial. Would I make him take it back? Probably not!6. Love: a Valentine card that sounds like the words came from him instead of a Hallmark writer. I got one of those one year and it made me cry.
7. Hate: a cheesy musical Valentine card that cost waaaaay too much money for a card
8. Love: Anything pretty (lingerie), smelly (vanilla’s my favourite) or sparkly. Doesn’t have to be real diamonds(see above).9. Love: Anything that comes from the heart and shows some thought went into pleasing me.
The “he better not even think about it” list for Valentine’s Day gift list:
2. Free standing zebra striped decorative toilet brush and holder
3. Nice & Easy 102 A hair color (or any other number for that matter)
4. Call of Duty 3 for Wii (or any other number for that matter)
The “he’d have brownie points for the next five years” Valentine’s Day gift list:
2. Resort vacation in the Virgin Islands
3. Weekly massage gift certificates for a year (professional J)
4. New pillows (and about 10 uninterrupted hours to use them!)
Nine sexy celebrity crushes I'd love Cupid to deliver to my door on Valentines Day. :) In no particular order:
1. Gerard--yummy accent--Butler
2. Jake--sexy Persian biceps--Gyllenhaal
3. James--love that smile--McAvoy
6. Vin--fast & furious & sexy as hell--Diesel
7. Johnny--pirates are hawt--Depp
- Be Mine from Lush: A sexy selection of six scrumptious treats for lovers, packaged up in an undeniably attractive hatbox. Inspire someone to melt into a marshmallow bath and let it rain men (or women) on February 14th. This one has products for the bath and shower, along with our incredibly sexy Lust solid perfume. They'll be yours without question when you give them this hatbox.
- A Pomsky: Pomeranian + Husky = AWESOME
- Tickets to Battle of the Dance: This is a new local dinner “theater” where you get to watch beautiful dance routines while enjoying a gourmet dinner.
- Molecular jewelry: Who doesn’t want to wear the atomic structure for chocolate or dopamine around their necks?
- Endangered Words: 100 rare and obscure words falling out of use.
Four "Don't Let The Door Hit You in the Ass on the Way Out" gifts
- BeanBoozled Jelly Bellies: risk taking “barf” instead of “peach”? My taste buds say hell no.
- Hand-shaped latex "pleasure toy" (NSFW): Enough said. Full hands do not belong inside a human body unless its surgery.
- Dawn of the Dead: No kidding, zombies scare the ever-living hell out of me. This was my first R-rated theater movie and I had reoccurring nightmares for weeks.
- A microbe: I wouldn’t turn down one of these plushies, but keep your germy parts away from me!
9 things I'd love for Valentine's Day, in no particular order:
1. Something handmade for me by my Diva.
2. Dragon Naturally Speaking speech to text software - it's only fifty bucks at Amazon. I've convinced myself it would increase my wordcount exponentially.
3. Maya Bank's sales figures.
4. Daniel Craig:
6. Time to read everything published by the other 8 Naughty Novelists
7. An iPad
8. A big honkin' Amazon.com gift certificate
9. Brand new clothes and shoes for the RT convention in April.
Three "Hell, No" V-day ideas:
1. Health club membership. I'd rather not be thinking about losing weight on Valentine's Day of all days.
2. A lamp. I know we need one for the family room, but...no.
3. Fundies underwear for two. No. seriously. It exists. I just don't ever want to see it or own it.
Six "Hell, Yes!" V-day ideas:
1. Weekly cleaning service.
2. Gift certificate to the spa, and time to actually use it.
3. Plane ticket to NYC for the June events I really, really don't want to miss (fan get together, followed by RWA Nationals).
4. Personal chef to prepare healthy, tasty meals on a regular basis.
5. Romantic weekend away, just the two of us. Somewhere warm, preferably.
6. More time!