The next 3 months will be hot as hell and humid as a rain forest...

and I don't care, because I love summer.

I first wrote this post in longhand, sitting at a friend’s swimming pool drinking beer and watching the kids play at six o’clock on a Sunday night. I could never do that on a school night – there’d be lunch to pack, last minute school work to get done, Diva would have to take a shower and get to bed…dude, I love summer.

If you’re a stay at home mom, maybe you dread it; most of the SAHMs I know do (full disclosure: I’m jealous as hell of SAHMs.) SAHMs suddenly have kids in the house and under foot unless they schedule activities, and then they spend all day ferrying the kids from one place to another. My hyper-organized sister does not enjoy summer break.

Ah, but summer is as much a vacation for us working mommies as it is for the kids, even if we do still have to get up and go to work every day. No homework! (In what grade will Diva start doing her homework unprompted and unassisted? Can anyone give me a rough estimate?) No schedules! Late bedtimes!

I don’t have it that bad; I only work part time. But even just working six hours a day, I have to maintain a tight schedule. Diva has about an hour’s work of homework every night, which takes her between three and four hours to complete, because The World’s Slowest Toddler has grown into The World’s Slowest Second Grader. Plus there’s martial arts twice a week, and I need to work out a few times a week, and I try to cook dinner once in a while, and Diva needs to be in bed by 8:30, and I need to write, and somehow we seem to go from 3:00 to 8:30 in about two hours.

But in the summer, I blow off the bedtime. Diva’s signed up for eight weeks of different day camps, and some grandma time, and a week at my sister’s, and if she goes sleepy a few days a week, what’s the harm? The hours I normally spend haranguing about homework can be spent writing. We eat supper later, we swim at the Y till 9:30, and I don’t yell quite so much. It's a beautiful thing.

I'll be singing a different tune come Labor Day, which in other parts of the country signals the approach of fall but here in Houston means we still have two months of soul-sucking sauna-like conditions ahead of us. But for now...

Happy summer!

Asker or Guesser?

I came across this post on the internet last week that I thought was fascinating. In response to a sort of etiquette question, Andrea Donderi’s theory that we are raised in one of two cultures – the Ask Culture, or the Guess Culture – came up.

In the Ask Culture, you grow up with the expectation that it's okay to ask for anything at all, realizing you may get no for an answer.

In Guess Culture, you avoid putting a request into words unless you're pretty sure the answer will be yes. Guessers put out subtle hints, feelers, and talk around a subject, in the hopes that they won’t have to ask for what they want – they’ll get an offer.

You can see the potential for conflict here (and what writer doesn’t love potential for conflict!)

I can definitely see that I grew up in the Guess culture. If there’s a pathological Guess Culture, my mother would have been it. And her mother, too, come to think of it. It would most certainly have been considered rude to ask outright for almost anything. I still feel very uncomfortable doing that. And guess what? When someone asks me for something, I sometimes (not always but often!) find that rude. However, I also find it difficult to say no, because I don’t want to offend them. And then I feel angry and put-upon.

On the other hand, understanding someone who grew up in the Ask Culture helps with this. That person doesn’t think it’s rude to ask, and in fact, they fully realize they may get a “no”. And they’re okay with that. So I don’t have to worry about saying that “no”. And if I try to avoid it (which I confess to having done when faced with someone asking me to do something I don’t want to do) they don’t understand that – they’re thinking, don’t be so passive aggressive, just deal with it!

I loved this comment: “I'm a Guess too. Let me tell you, it's great for, say, reading nuanced and subtle novels; not so great for, say, dating and getting raises.” Ha! Totally relate to that!

Apparently the subtle “Guess behaviours” like hinting and talking around something, hoping it will lead the person to offer what the “Guess person” wants, only work well with other Guess people. If you’re trying that with an “Ask person” it won’t work. If you know someone’s an “Ask person”, they won’t likely be offended if you just ask for what you want. And conversely, if you’re a Guesser, when someone asks you for something, a request you perceive as pushy or presumptuous, the very fact that they’re asking is a sign that they’re an Asker. They’re half-expecting you'll say no, and have no idea you feel uncomfortable. So say no, and see what happens – likely, nothing.

So - are you an Asker or a Guesser??

Thursday Thirteen Songs from my Playlist

I listen to a lot of music when I write--songs to get me in the mood for a scene or to keep me there, songs to help me nail down my characters motivations and emotions... Sometimes it gets annoying. I'll wake up with a song in my head and it won't go away and I'll have to listen to it for hours--play it over and over again--until something else catches my ear.

Here's a list of thirteen songs, chosen more or less at random, that I've been listening to a lot during the past few months. It was hard cutting it down to just thirteen and, just so you know, they're in no particular order. Some are old, some are new, some are by bands that are now (sadly) defunct. Some come from movies, some have been featured on German soap operas (yes, Kate, you got me hooked)  others I've actually heard on the radio. Shocking--right?

My only criteria for choosing them (other than the fact I've been listening to them obsessively) is they had to be songs I could download and songs I could find videos of. Because the only thing worse than having one of these songs stuck in your head for days on end is having it stuck in your head with no way of actually listening to it--in its entirety. Enjoy!

1. Anything Can Happen (by The Fin Brothers)

2. The Worst Day since Yesterday (by Flogging Molly)

3. Like the Sun (by RyanDan)

4. Rattling Locks (by Josh Ritter)

5. Agony (by Eels)

6. The Story (by Brandi Carlisle)

7. Breakeven (by The Script)

8. I won’t Say Adieu (by The Inertia Kiss)

9. World Spins Madly On (by The Weepies)

10. Call My Name (by Charlotte Church)

11. Broken (by Livingston)

12. The Truth about You (by Roseanne Cash)

13. Shattered (by Trading Yesterday)

"You're Not Busy, Are You?"

I have two of the best jobs in the world. First, of course, is writing. The other one is an online job, administering an educational program. Both allow me to work at home, on my own schedule. I tend to work while the kids are at school and in the evenings, after they've gone to bed. No childcare needed, no business wardrobe, no need to go any further than the basement office to get to work. It's great.

One of my favorite things about working at home is the flexibility. Last week I chaperoned my youngest's field trip to the children's museum, and I didn't have to ask for time off. I just worked extra hours the day before and the day after. When I went to the RT Convention, I told my supervisor that I'd be out of state, and brought my cell phone and computer with me so I could be accessible to students. Most of them didn't even know I was gone.

But one of the downsides of working at home is the perception that your time is always that free. Can you pick that up for me, can you bring this down to the office, do you mind watching the kids for a couple of hours? And I don't mind helping out, but it can be difficult to place limits on my work time and say, no, I can't. No, I really do need to work on my files today. No, I can't run to the town 30 miles up the road to get that item for the classroom. There's an expectation that because my jobs CAN be flexible, I should be available at a moment's notice.

So I struggle with saying no, even though I know I should more than I actually do. Does anybody else deal with this sort of situation? And if so, how do you handle it?

Guest Blogger Crista McHugh - Vulnerability

In this day and age of alpha heroes and self-sufficient heroines, showing moments of vulnerability can be tricky. For example, you don’t want your kick-ass, vampire-slaying heroine to suddenly need to be rescued over and over again by the hero, right? Nor do you want the alpha hero to act like he’s completely pussy-whipped. But if they both keep their walls in place and act tough all the time, where can the romance bloom?

I was at a Mary Buckham workshop in February where she mentioned that in developing a character, an author needed to identify what the character valued most in his or her life. Then, as the romance develops, the character should be willing to part with that thing for the sake of the other person. It could a physical object like Arwen’s necklace in the Lord of the Rings movies. Or, as in the case of so many of my characters, it could be allowing one’s self to become emotionally vulnerable and risk getting hurt.

In my latest release, Heart of a Huntress, Lana lost her former lover to a vampire. His death wounded her so deeply, she hasn’t been able to open her heart up to anyone since then. She focuses her energy into her job (slaying the vampires that plague the Las Vegas Strip) and never realizes how empty her life has become until she meets Byron.

Byron, on the other hand, has a secret, something he’s terrified to share with Lana. Would she still want to be with him once she learns he sprouts fangs and fur every full moon? But the stakes are a bit higher for him because if she rejects him, his broken heart could prove fatal.

Both characters have reasons to keep their walls in place, to protect themselves from getting hurt. But there is no reward without some risk. Once they make the decision to let the other person past these barriers, they discover a new love they never imagined possible. It’s neither simple nor easy. There’s some pushing and shoving and flared tempers as they feel each other out. But in the end, they both learn trust that piece of themselves they’ve guarded for so long to the other person.

Vulnerability extends beyond the paranormal genre. It’s something that can play a role in any romance, real or fictional. For example, I always joke that my husband is the one-night stand who never left. I was always into playing it safe, never hooking up with someone until we’d dated a while, etc. Then I met him at a party. He was not only smart and sexy, but I felt so very comfortable around him that I gathered my courage and asked him back to my place. I’d never done such a thing before. I was making myself both physically and emotionally vulnerable, but I took a gamble on him, and the reward was worth the risk. We got married two years later. :-)

I’d love to hear some of your stories about vulnerability. It could be a favorite scene from a book or a movie, or it could be a real-life moment where you took a chance on another person, opened yourself up to them, and had a happy ending.

____________

Crista McHugh writes paranormal and fantasy romances that are smart, sexy, and anything but ordinary. She maintains her alter-ego as a mild mannered physician during the day and writes during nights and weekends. She refers to it as “therapy”. She lives in the Audi-filled suburbs of Seattle with her husband, her daughter, a 95-lb golden retriever, and a black cat that bosses them all around.

She loves hearing from readers and will occasionally bounce ideas off them. Check out her website (www.cristamchugh.com) for more information.

To Grovel or Not To Grovel...

I know that it’s Memorial Day in the U.S., which means two things. One, there might not be too many people reading this :). Two, I need to at least mention what the day is really about. So, thank you, thank you to all the men and women who have and continue to serve to protect our country and our freedoms!!

But I do have a question that I hope at least a couple of people can help me answer. I’m just finishing up edits on my next book (Just Like That, June 15th from Samhain) and my editor and I are discussing the ending where the hero admits he was wrong. She and I like the ending as it is, but are wondering if he needs to grovel more :). He’s sorry, it’s obvious he’s finally figured it all out, but true to his personality he’s laid back about his apology. Lindsey commented that readers do love a hero that grovels! So that’s what I want to know. Should the hero have to really grovel when he’s screwed up and if so, how much? And what about the heroine? Can’t she go to him? Can the heroine grovel? Is it okay for no one to grovel?

That’s it. Short and sweet today. Just give me your opinion as a reader.

Unless you also want to share some of the best groveling scenes you can think of :) Some of my favorites are (not surprisingly) from Susan Elizabeth Phillips. In Nobody’s Baby But Mine the hero, Cal, majorly grovels! She not only writes strong alpha men who really know how to beg, but women who can hold a big-time grudge! Lady Be Good also has some good groveling in it. Do you have any favorites?

Hope everyone is having a fun, relaxing weekend! Thanks for taking time to weigh in! And if you're curious about we decide to end the book, you can check it out on June 15th from Samhain :)

In Case You Hadn't Heard...

Click Here

Samhain Publishing and Coffee Time Romance have been running a little promo all month. There's still some time left to get in on the fun, read some cool excerpts and add to your TBR and TBB stacks--as well as possibly win a lot of great books and really cool prizes!

Just click on the link under the graphic above to check it out, or visit one (or, better yet, all!) of the links below...

2 Hot 2 Handle, Excerpt 1 - Kelly Jamieson

In The Dark, Excerpt 1 - P.G. Forte

Just Right, Excerpt 1 - Erin Nicholas

Maison Domine, Excerpt 1 - Skylar Kade

Midnight Savior, Excerpt 1 - D. McEntire

No Matter What, Excerpt 1 - Erin Nicholas

Wedding Bell Blues, Excerpt 1 - Meg Benjamin