Click here for Chapter Two...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
YESTERDAY AND TODAY, Chapter One
Click here for Chapter Two...
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Cookin' and Stuff
I don't like it.
I convinced myself, a long time ago, that I couldn't cook. This is possibly due to a traumatic episode during my college years, when I visited some friends in Baton Rouge. While I was staying with them, they decided to throw a dinner party. One of the girls was from Morgan City (i.e., she was a Cajun; i.e., she was a great cook). They knew I didn't cook but Alaina figured it was safe to assign me instant potatoes. I mean, who can mess up potato buds???
Me, that's who. I still remember Alaina waving a wooden spoon in the air as she yelled "Out mah kitchen! Got out mah kitchen!!!"
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| You did wha?? |
I knew I should learn to cook.
(I know what you're doing right now - you're rolling your eyes and clicking your tongue and making that disgusted "uh!" sound only women can make and which I've never figured out how to properly represent in words, and you're saying "Hello? This isn't 1965 and a woman doesn't have to cook to attract a man."
I'm not saying Hub wouldn't have wanted to share his life with me if I couldn't cook. But I submit that, no matter what the calendar says, most men are happy to find that a girlfriend knows her way around the kitchen. Cooking is like oral sex -- willingness and enthusiasm are more important than expertise. A willingness to learn and improve is even better. Basically, if you can cook a delicious meal and give a good blowjob, and he doesn't have to beg for either, he'll never look at anyone else.)
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| It's not complicated. And neither are they. |
Then the Diva came along and for a few years, that was my excuse. Babies and toddlers don't eat adult food, and I was still working full time and didn't get home til almost 7. And even as Diva got older, and started expressing an interest in cooking, I still didn't do it much.
It's not fun. It takes time away from stuff I'd rather do, like writing, reading, playing with the dogs--anything else, in fact.
But recently, when I finally accepted that all three of us are getting way too fluffy, I realized that losing weight is nearly impossible if you're not eating fresh food - and fresh food has to be cooked. Even so-called "healthy" frozen meals have a lot of crap in them, and every packaged food seems to have high-fructose corn syrup. The only packaged foods that seem to be healthy and "real" are frozen vegetables.
My sister's been telling me for years to shop on the edges of the grocery store--produce, meats/seafood, dairy. Just go down the aisles for flour, pasta and rice, maybe some soups.
So I hauled out the Rachael Ray 30 minute meals cookbook my sister-in-law gave me years ago and then...I don't know. Things spun out of control. Maybe Rachael's cookbook was a gateway drug or something, but now I'm cooking all the damn time. And while I can't say I really enjoy it, I hate it less than I used to. I'm finding my groove, learning the most efficient ways to get it done, figuring out what I'm good at and what not to bother with.
(Again, much like oral sex...)
I find myself buying magazines for the recipes--"A Month's Worth of Weeknight Meals!" "Fast, Simple Comfort Food!"
Years ago I started keeping recipes in a three ring binder; the older recipes in it have only 3-4 ingredients and require nothing more complicated than chopping, tossing, sticking in the oven. (Seriously. One of my favorite cookbooks ever was The Four Ingredient Cookbook.) Now I'm doing dishes with spices and shit--I'm reducing, folding, braising, making vinaigrettes and sauces.
My latest kick is ancient grains - I've been trying to cut the processed carbs out of our diets as much as possible, and I keep reading about the health and weight benefits of non-wheat grains--barley, quinoa, bulgur. For the times I need to use regular flour, I use whole wheat. There have been no rebellions so far; Diva, in fact, loves bulgur wheat.
I still don't like dishes that require a lot of maintenance--stirring, watching, turning, all that.
I recently got a countertop multicooker and I love it. I can cook risotto now without having to babysit it. On workdays I can throw eggs and mushrooms and ham in it and let it bake while we get ready. It does pasta, rice, it boils eggs--I'm loving it.
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I'm even thinking about taking a crack at gumbo. Yes. Yes, I'm going to attempt...a roux.
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| ...anything that flies, crawls, creeps, or lies still may end up in the gumbo pot. |
Just as soon as I find Alaina on Facebook and tell her what I'm up to.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Random things that have annoyed me this week, but none enough to make me ranty or anything. Just...out of sorts.
There was a much complaining on Facebook over the weekend, and both yesterday and today a lot of parents wandered the parking lot thinking "Where the FUCK am I supposed to take/get this child?" (It's an Episcopal school but I know many of these parents, and I know that's what they were thinking.)
As of this afternoon, the PTB have decided middle school students can be dropped off as they always have been, and collected in the parking lot. But who knows what they'll say tomorrow.
2. After picking her up from school (in the parking lot) and running by the grocery store, while we were pulling into the garage Diva said "Mom! I just remembered! I need a book cover for my Latin book and if I don't have it tomorrow, I'll get a pink slip!" (No, pink slips don't mean you're fired - but three in one marking period equals a detention.)
There was no mention of book covers on the school supplies list that I printed and took shopping WEEKS before the start of school. I didn't even know people still used book covers and you know what? They're not at a lot of stores that sell school supplies. We eventually located them at Office Max, but we were late getting home.
I was sorely tempted to shoot off an email to the Latin teacher to the effect that next year, if it ain't on the school supplies list that I get over the summer, then I ain't buying it. But then that would make me one of "those parents," and as my friend Amy says, you don't want to become one of "those parents" unless you absolutely have to.
3. I've always deplored the idea that just because a woman hits 35, or 40, or 50, or whatever, she has to cut her hair off. (I know Kelly Jamieson and PG Forte will back me up on this.) So I liked seeing this article in the Daily Mail about how keeping your hair length might actually help you look more youthful.
But I absolutely DESPISE the phrase "mutton dressed as a lamb" when referring to a woman of any age, as well as the notion that every decision we make regarding our personal appearance must be made with an eye to looking younger.
4. EL James has made ninety-five million dollars on Fifty Shades of Gray. That shouldn't bother me, but it really, really does.
On the other hand -- apparently there's now a musical of FSOG. (Yes, it's a parody.) My sister-in-law is booking a VIP table (near the stage, wine and cheese) for all the girls, and she's paying for my ticket and booze as an early birthday party. So I have that to look forward to.
Good luck to everyone sending monsters back to school!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Who's Who in Bloodsuck, Part I
Rock Fangsworthy
“I’m rock hard for you, baby!”
What can you do with a man like Rock? Alpha to the core with a somewhat faulty memory, he’s tall, pale and extremely hard-assed. The girls all swoon for his chiseled features, granite-like eight-pack abs and slate blue eyes.
Who knows how much money the vampire cowboy and self-professed gazillionaire actually has? Is it zillions? Trillions? Frakillions? Frankly, we don't really care. All we know is—it’s a helluva lot of cold, hard cash!
But beneath his stony exterior and behind his steely-eyed stare Rock harbors a powerful hankering for the wolf who got away. His lonely bachelor’s heart doesn’t beat (what with his being a nightwalker and all) but if it did, there’s just one filly…er, bitch…er, female for whom it would race. His love for Buffi, his night-blooming goddess of canine carnality, is undying…which only makes sense, of course, because he’s already undead.
Ah, our furry blonde were-temptress, how we love her! With her Golden Retriever hair and her dog-next-door good looks—not to mention her spunky personality, great calf development and sorority-girl wardrobe—Buffi quickly won a blue-ribbon place in our hearts and made us want to pat her head and give her treats.
True to her breed, good-girl Buffi wants to mate for life with the bad-boy, vampire cowboy of her dreams. She’s a devoted mother to her boys and, with a little encouragement and the proper training, we just know she’d make a faithful companion and enthusiastic lover to the right undead gazillionaire rancher. Beautiful Buffi is looking for her forever home. C’mon, Rock, give this dog a bone!
And, of course, the family tree wouldn't be complete without...
Vlad and Ivan Van Pelt
“B is for Bloody—that’s good enough to eat!”
These two year old twins are part night terror, part fox terrier and wholly adorable…at least if you’re their mother.
Vlad and Ivan inherited their mom’s Siberian Huskie eyes and their father’s pointy teeth…or is that their mother’s teeth and their dad’s glacial-ice gaze?
No matter. Their boundless energy and inquisitive natures make them a double bundle of purebred trouble. The pups are always ready to chase after the next new thing that comes along, run it to ground and sink their fangs into it.
Kidnappers beware!
That's it for today. If you haven't already done so, be sure and check out Juniper's post, for a description of the story. And come back tomorrow when we'll be introducing you to our evildoers. 'Cause every story needs a villain--and we've got two!
Click here to read more: Who's Who in Bloodsuck, Part II
Friday, September 7, 2012
Yesterday and Today - Chapter Two
10 Downing Street
10 January 1806
William Pitt was red-faced, and probably not from anger alone. Mary figured he’d already consumed a bottle of port, and it was eleven o’clock in the morning. Pitt the Younger’s fondness for the wine was well known to his contemporaries as well as later historians; his death in 1806 (in another thirteen days, if the timeline held, and there was no reason to assume it would) was generally assumed by historians to have been hastened by over consumption. Nineteenth century wine and liquor bottles were smaller than those of the twenty-first, but even so—Regency gentlemen drank a hell of a lot.
And most of the gentlemen currently serving in His Majesty’s government had been drinking even more since Mary, Group Captain Hullin, and their 7.8 million fellow temporal exiles had shown up.
She hated “temporal exile,” but the geeks from GCQH had coined the phrase and it stuck.
They were down to less than 4 million.
“Mr. Pitt, please, if you’ll allow me to--”
Captain Hullin broke off and Mary flinched as Mr. Pitt continued to pound the table between them, a gorgeous, though scarred, gouged and generally dilapidated, example of the Chippendale style. She still wasn’t used to treating antiques as normal furniture.
“You knew we would lose our greatest champion, our most brilliant strategist, at this most crucial and dangerous moment, and yet you chose not to warn us!”
There were two other men in the room, members of the minister’s staff whose names she hadn’t bothered to remember and who now stared intently at Captain Hullin while their boss continued his tirade.
She was certain that if she opened the door, a large crowd of eavesdroppers would fall, Marx Brothers style, into the small, stuffy room.
“You refused to share vital information concerning the safety of this country, our country—and yours, sir! Your country as well, or so you say, yet you--”
Oh, what the hell.
“It’s the Prince Regent, sir. The Prince Regent is the problem. And the Butterfly Effect.”
The two men flanking Pitt started, like someone had pinched them, and now they were staring at her instead of the Captain next to her. Pitt had stopped midsentence to gape at her as well
There was silence in the antechamber on the other side of the door; not the silence of an empty space, but the silence of a group of people holding their breath.
Or maybe she was just imagining that part. She was operating on very little sleep, and sitting across from three people who were determined to pretend she didn’t exist was making her peevish.
“Sir, I assure you, we can hear you,” Pitt said.
Hullin took a deep breath, glanced at Mary once more, then turned back to face the aggrieved PM.
“Mr. Pitt, I have no idea what Dr. Lilley is talk—excuse me, that’s not precisely true, I do know what she’s talking about, but I have no bloody idea why she’s bringing it up.”
Now it was Pitt who started, clearly surprised that Hullin would use such language in the presence of a female.
Pitt wasn’t particularly comfortable around women, but that wasn’t why he and his two inferiors had ignored her thus far. Even though almost two years had passed since The Event, a lot of people—maybe most people, and certainly most men—still couldn’t conceive of women possessing advanced degrees and inhabiting the same professional spheres as men.
But as she was the only PhD temp ex on the British mainland whose area of scholarship was 19th century European history in general, British military history specifically, she’d become the de facto liaison between the military personnel representing the temp exes and the men who represented the Crown.
So she took a deep breath, pulled her chair up closer to the table, tucked one leg under her to give herself some height, and leaned forward across the table. Feeling the outer perimeter of his personal space being invaded, Pitt stepped back and frowned, clearly disconcerted.
Which was just how she wanted him.
“Let’s start with the Butterfly Effect, shall we?”
Pitt looked like he was about to say something, so she just kept talking, keeping her tone confident but conversational, neither aggressive nor submissive. This was how she found herself addressing all the contemporary men she dealt with, in order not to challenge or provoke them while not allowing them to challenge or provoke her.
Rather like training dogs and horses, actually.
“It’s a theoretical device, and it describes how a hurricane might or might not form, depending on whether or not a butterfly far away did or did not flap its wings. We use the term to describe the phenomenon of very small, seemingly inconsequential actions or events which end up having very profound or far-reaching effects.”
Pitt was still frowning but seemed calmer as he mused, “Ripples in a stream. A pebble thrown into a lake will generate ripples that constantly widen.”
She nodded with a smile. “Precisely so.”
Good boy!
“But what has this to do with…ah. I think I may see--”
And he probably did, because William Pitt was a brilliant man.
“I’ll wager you do.” Wager you do? She was beginning to speak like them even when she didn’t mean to. “We—and by ‘we’ I mean all of us who came through in The Event—have generated a massive Butterfly Effect, quite without meaning to. We know this because the events that have transpired since we arrived in 1804 have not followed the historical timeline as we knew it in 2013.”
She paused while he considered this, resisting the urge to ask, “Do you understand?” He would understand once he thought on it, and she of all people had to be sensitive to the danger of condescending to contemporaries.
After a few beats, his face took on a quizzical cast. “Are you saying that your presence has changed history?”
“History as we know it—yes. For instance, in our history the King was still in his right mind in 1806; the Regency Act wasn’t passed until 1810. On the other hand, Napoleon hasn’t yet gotten to Vienna, whereas in our time, he entered the city in November 1805. And Arth—that is, I mean-- I mean the point is, there are numerous other examples as well.” She paused to take a deep breath, flustered and ever conscious of Stephen Faraday’s warnings. “Now. We have to assume that it is our presence that’s caused these changes to the timeline, yes? And if that’s the case, we must try to limit our disruptions as much as possible, you see, because…”
She paused again, trying to figure out how to say it. Finally she gave up. Spreading her hands helplessly she said, “Look. The point is, we want to try avoid screwing things up as much as we can. As we’ve told you, Britain was victorious over Napoleon—but that’s not inevitable and even in our time, it was a very close run thing.”
She glanced over to Captain Hullin, who’d raised an eyebrow at her choice of phrasing. Having nearly blurted out Arthur Wellesley’s name, she now couldn’t get him out of her mind.
Pitt was shaking his head. “I believe I understand what you’re saying, but surely in the case of momentous events such as Trafalgar--”
“No, sir. No. Please, pardon my interruption, but…no. It’s the momentous events that we feel are most particularly at risk of being altered! Look. If we had told you that Admiral Nelson would die in battle on 21 October 1805, then obviously—surely—people would have taken steps to avoid that, yes? Someone, somewhere, would have sought to make sure Nelson wasn’t aboard Victory that day, or that he didn’t order the maneuvers that he did, or…something like that. And it’s impossible, absolutely impossible, to predict the multitude of outcomes that could have resulted from any one of those alterations. Any of them could have resulted in Britain losing the battle, but she didn't. She won, and so Napoleon’s opportunity to invade is gone for good.”
He was pacing around the table now, stroking his chin. He stopped a couple of chairs away from her and said, “But the threat is not removed, he is still marching across Europe, and we must still confront him.”
Captain Hullin, clearly done with sitting on the sidelines, stood up to face the prime minster. “Yes sir, exactly. And as Dr. Lilley has explained, in order for that to happen—in order for Britain to finally prevail, once and for all, over France--our experts believe very strongly that we must refrain from telling you too much of what is coming. We’ve given you a general outline of history as we know it, from your time to ours, but to ensure that this history happens again, as it were, we must withhold a great deal of information.”
Hullin was a man of impeccable breeding, well used to formality, and so he didn’t have to try as hard as she did to speak in the manner of contemporaries. It was clear from their earlier meetings with the prime minister that Pitt respected Hullin, recognizing him as a gentleman.
As Tom Carr liked to say, “an aristo will always recognize another aristo, even from two hundred years away.”
Pitt frowned once more, stared at the ground, and then looked up with a sigh. “Very well. I accept your answer—for now. I do plan to discuss the matter with my colleagues, possibly with some of our own scientists.”
Captain Hullin nodded with a slight bow.
“Now,” the prime minister continued. “To the Prince Regent.”
“Excuse me?” she and Hullin asked at the same time.
“Oh!” she exclaimed a second later. “I did mention him, didn’t I?”
Pitt raised his eyebrows but didn’t respond.
“Hmm. Well, you see, we…”
Goddamn it. Why had she blurted that out? What the hell was wrong with her? There was no way to…
“The Prince Regent cannot be told what we’ve discussed with you today, or what we’ll discuss with you—and with your colleagues—in the future,” Hullin said briskly. “I do apologize, and I know that this will cause you some difficulty, but I’m afraid there really is no choice.”
“And for what reason am I to withhold such important information from the Regent?”
“For the reason that, although he is a man of above average intelligence, he is utterly lacking in judgment, discretion, discipline or common sense. e HeH He cannot be trusted.”
“Oh bloody hell!” exclaimed the prime minister.
But he didn’t argue.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
I Love You--Maybe

Y’all you’ll have to excuse me today. My sixth Konigsburg, Don’t Forget Me, came out yesterday and I’m still a little spaced. The run up to a release is always hectic, but this one was a little more hectic than usual, what with damaged files and my being more or less incommunicado for a few days at the end of November. Now I can relax (sort of) and talk about the book.
My other books all featured heroes and heroines who’d never met before and who gradually fell for each other after their first, usually favorable, impressions. Even Wedding Bell Blues, where the hero and heroine weren’t terribly impressed with each other at the start, had the two of them falling fairly soon. But Don’t Forget Me is different. The H/H are former lovers who parted bitterly. They’re not favorably disposed toward each other except at the, shall we say, gonadal level. In fact, they’re both sort of angry and definitely wary about getting involved again.
This was different territory for me. I’m not used to having a hero and heroine who don’t like each other. I think it’s fairly easy to develop a normal relationship in a romance, judging just how long it takes for two people to decide, Yeah, he’s/she’s definitely The One. But how long does it take for two estranged lovers to get over it? That’s tougher. You can’t make it too soon or the breakup seems trivial. But you can’t draw it out too long or you risk alienating readers who get tired of waiting for the characters to get back together.
For me, it helped that the two characters both still ached a little. I had a scene where Nando saw Kit from a distance and was blown away. I realized that I needed a similar scene for Kit. There’s never any doubt that they Have Feelings, as they say. It’s just a matter of weighing those feelings against hurt pride and suspicion.
So finally my H/H get back together, but they’re still a little nervous about it. It takes a crisis to make those final barriers drop. Rest assured, there’s HEA. This is Konigsburg, after all, where the men are smart, the women are way smarter, and happy endings are required for everybody.
Here’s the blurb:
Once they said goodbye forever. Now they want to walk it back.
Konigsburg, Texas, Book 6
Eighteen months ago, Kit Maldonado was so over Nando Avrogado, she left Konigsburg without a backward glance. With the family restaurant in San Antonio sold out from under her, though, she’s back to manage The Rose, an exclusive resort eatery outside town.
Dealing with a stingy boss, an amorous head chef, an understaffed dining room and planning her aunt’s wedding should have kept her hands full. But she realizes she might not be as over Nando as she thought.
As the town’s new assistant chief of police, Nando’s got enough trouble without sexy Kit fanning embers he thought had long ago turned to ashes. Every time he turns around, she’s there—and it doesn’t help that everyone in town wants to see them back together.
One incendiary kiss, and there’s no denying the force of their attraction. But there’s a mysterious and oddly familiar burglar who’s been lurking around Konigsburg, someone who isn’t above a little mayhem—maybe even violence—to cover his tracks.
Product Warnings
Contains hot makeup sex, wedding madness, a hot chef, vengeful burglars, and unlawful abuse of a wedding cake.
And a short excerpt where (of course) they share a dance.
Her own arm went around his neck almost automatically, and their bodies were pressed together, shoulder to knee. He took her hand in his, folding their arms against his chest, then started to move forward slowly, his thighs pushing against her legs. She found herself moving with him, staring up into his face. His beautiful face.
“And anyone can tell, you think you know me well.” The voice echoed over the PA system. “But you don't know me.”
Oh god, oh god, oh god. But she did know him well, better than she knew a lot of the people in her own family. That’s why she was here again in his arms, not that there had ever really been any question it would come to this eventually. Not with all there had once been between them. Not when she’d never really gotten over him.
Had he gotten over her? Would he be here if he had?
Part of her wanted to move back, put some space between them again, but somehow she couldn’t manage it. Instead, his arm coaxed her closer still until she felt the hard muscles of his chest against her breasts, the silver belt buckle brushing against her stomach, the swell of his arousal pressing hard against her own aching flesh. She took a deep breath, smelling his familiar scent again, that mixture of soap and sweat and Nando, and she was lost.
And a buy link:
http://store.samhainpublishing.com/dont-forget-p-6561.html
And a contest:
Drop a comment at my blog, http://megbenj1.wordpress.com/, to be entered in a drawing for a copy of Don't Forget Me.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Guest Blogger Vonna Harper - Incognito

OMG, I’m a fraud. I don’t belong here. Nine Naughty Novelists readers are going to out me and see me for the fake I am. Seriously, just look around at the women who anchor things here and what do you see? Hip, modern, with it, quick-witted, sophisticated, everything I ain’t
At least I ain’t nuttin like them other writers in person. Hopefully it’s a different story when I hide behind my writing. To clarify, I’m an old broad (no, I’m not giving that away) who lives a dismally boring and deeply satisfying life in a town that sports a single stop light. Much of my days (when I’m not wearing my mom, grandma, and wife hats) are spent up in my office staring at a dusty and lip balm smeared monitor waiting for inspiration to quit hiding in that dog-hairy corner at the other end of the room. No shoes on, hair probably still tangled from this morning’s dog walk, makeup still in the bathroom, the same shorts I had on yesterday. At least I’m wearing a bra today because I took my 91 year old mother out to lunch.
My neighbors know I write, but they don’t know what comes out of my fingers and because I don’t want to be run out of the neighborhood on a rail, I’m not going to whisper a word about the alter-ego who pounds out hot stories about the kind of sex I wish---
Oops, forget I said that. Life is what it is. Happily, fiction is whatever I want it to be. At the moment I’m coming to the end of an erotica book I owe Aphrodisia. Yesterday I left Matt and Cat naked in her bedroom with a mysterious wolf spirit waiting outside to tell Matt something that will tear his world apart. But before Ghost Wolf can deliver his message, my characters will turn their sexual relationship on its ears. Hopefully it’ll be a hell of a ride—if I can pull it off.
Their story won’t come out for at least a year so while I’m here I might as well tell you about a few things that have recently seen the light of day and hopefully prove my imagination makes up for the above-mentioned pedestrian existence.
First up is Falcon’s Captive, a print Aphrodisia book with the coolest cover Kensington has ever designed for me. As a lover and researcher of all things Native American, I drew from NA spiritual beliefs in crafting a tale about a woman who shape shifts as a falcon and the warrior who captures her. Here’s a not too well kept secret. I love writing and reading capture/hostage stories.

Just on the stands is Aphrodisia’s Sexy Beast 9, the first in the sexy beast anthology series not to have a Kate Douglas story in it. I was given lead billing, gulp. Back when Crystal Jordan, Lisa Renee Jones and I were kicking around the idea for a ‘beast’ anthology, I laid claim to white tigers ‘cause it sounded interesting. Then the concept sold and I jumped into researching white tigers. I learned some depressing stuff about the result of too much inbreeding, but believe me, there’s nothing inbred about the sexy shape shifter my intrepid zoologist finds when she goes to India. As my mother would say, hubba, hubba.
Oh shoot, I’m going to blow up my brain if I keep going this way. Suffice to say, I have three new Ellora’s Cave releases and just put my first erotica novella up on Kindle. Another first for me is a book on tape. There are three more EC stories in the pipeline, two coming out from Samhain, and a recent sale to Loose Id. All that stuff, if you’re so inclined, is on my website www.VonnaHarper.com
That’s why I’m none of the things the sexy and savvy ladies who run Nine Naughty Novelists are. It takes everything I still have of a brain just to write. And hopefully find my shoes before winter.
BTW if anyone comes up with a title for Matt and Cat’s story, I’d be eternally grateful.
Under her "real" name, Vonna Harper has published more fiction than she can keep track of . These include category romances for the major players as well as the 'juicy' stuff. She also penned a series of well-received Native American historicals. One earned her finalist status in both the Women Writing the West Willa award and Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association. Before discovering romances, both erotic and otherwise, Vonna 'confessed' all kinds of nonsense for the confession magazines.
When asked about erotica research, she insists, "Of course I've time-traveled to the ancient Everglades, infiltrated bondage strongholds, done wilderness search and rescue, and spent a night trapped in a workout gym with Mr. Universe. How can I possibly write about something I haven't experienced?"
As for day jobs, "I've been a commercial pilot, brain surgeon, worked as a white-water river guide, bee keeper, snake charmer, and garbage collector."
And if you buy all that, she'd like you to check out the bridge she has listed on eBay.















