It's Not Procrastination if it Never Gets Done

So I've been thinking a lot lately of all the little tricks and tools writers use to motivate ourselves, to get things started and keep them going. Things like the right music, the proper libations, a board full of inspiring pictures on Pinterest...you know the kind of thing I mean.  I'm sure every writer has them. Tonight, however, I'm thinking about all the little things that make writing impossible.


It's not a very long list, really. Then again, I guess it doesn't need to be. Especially not when they all team up at once to derail  me. Tonight we have, in no particular order:


1. Someone standing right behind me.  Are they really reading every stupid word I type? Judging me? Getting ready to knife me in the back? No, probably not, but I freeze up just the same.


2. A toothache. Yeah, that's probably self-explanatory. This is what happens when a several-decades-old filling falls out and takes half your tooth with it. But that will no longer be an issue after tomorrow's dentist appointment...right? In the meantime, maybe another glass of wine will help.


3. My dog wanting me to play with him. It's that hopeful look in his eyes; it gets me every time. That and the fact that I can't bargain with him the way I could when my kids were young. "Just give me five minutes" has no meaning to a dog. My only hope is tiring him out.


4. The dog in the yard next door barking. And, yes, I know this is why headphones were invented, but I think my dog is sweet on her 'cause he always comes barreling through the house to bark back at her. 


5. Someone standing right behind me. Oh, did I say that already? Well, I think she's still there. Don't look! Just tell me...is she glaring at me? 


6. Phone calls. I've turned the house phone off because the only calls we ever got were wrong numbers and sales calls. Sometimes both at once. Of course, there's still my cell phone--which I always need to answer because it could be an emergency. Did you know that when the police station calls it shows up in caller ID as "Restricted"?  Neither did I.


7. People at the door. We used to get a lot of that. Honestly, this isn't that big a problem anymore. Not since we padlocked the front door. 


8. People asking questions. It's not that I'm anti-social...at least I don't think that's what it is, but I'm only capable of so much fiction at any one time. If I expend it all answering questions in a diplomatic fashion I won't have enough left for my WIP. 


Q: "Why is there a padlock on the front door?" 
A: "Why? Oh, um...that's to keep the dog from getting out and running away."


Q: "Why is your bedroom door locked?"
A: "That's so the dog won't go in and make a mess."


Q: "The dog must be very smart."
A: "Why, yes. Yes, he is."


9. People wandering aimlessly (or not so aimlessly) around the house. There are a lot of good things about having my "office" in what was supposed to have been the living room--like the view and the lack of a "wow, this room is really small!" claustrophobic response. I also have the ability to keep track of who's going where without having to get up and follow them around...much. The bad thing is I can't exactly ignore who's going where either. And when the "who" has a marked tendency to wander, get into things she probably shouldn't and leave me on the receiving end of a lot of "Restricted" phone calls? Yeah...I think I'd better go and check that out... 


And I wonder why I don't get more writing done these days!