The Grinch Ain't Done Yet!

I want to be very clear about something: I love, love, love Christmas! I’m the first one to turn on the all-carols-all-the-time radio station, the first to decorate, the first to buy eggnog and light the peppermint and gingerbread scented candles.

And right up until midnight on December 25th I’m one of the best elves you’ll find on Santa’s team.

But now it’s December 30th … the holidays are over people! I have a life that needs to go on. I swear, as much as I love Christmas, I dread the week after. The week between Christmas and New Year’s is the worst time of the entire year to try to get anything done (and how come I have to go back to work when apparently no one else does?!)

I want the businesses I need to use to be open regular hours, I want the people I need to talk to to be in those businesses, I want the TV shows I love to be new, I need the rest of the American public to not be going to the store to return stuff or take advantage of sales because I need to not be stuck in traffic and lines… (yes, this is all about me). I might actually need to run in to buy a bottle of shampoo and don’t want to stand in line behind four women buying out the home storage container section, the half-price Christmas lights and the no-one-else-wanted-it-that’s-why-its-still-there wrapping paper!

And really… fourteen cars in the Starbucks drive-through lane? Come on! I need this stuff to function at work—the place I am required to be in order to be paid in order to keep the heat working in my house. You shoppers need to get your coffee elsewhere.

All of this has gotten me thinking (ranting, whatever): There are some basic principles that should be made into law in my opinion:
1. If you are not going in to work (okay, fine, or to volunteer for a charity of some kind) then you are not allowed in or near a Starbucks before 10 a.m.
2. If you get a gift card, of any kind to any store, you can not redeem it in person until after January 12th (I figure by then half of those people will have lost or forgotten the card and it will cut down on lines even then).
3. No store is allowed to have an after-Christmas sale. If you weren’t creative enough or had the prices jacked up so high that you couldn’t get the stuff sold before Christmas, you don’t deserve the money anyway.
4. Anyone using vacation days from work, for any reason, needs to stay in bed until at least 8 a.m. Ever heard of sleeping in? Try it. It’s a rare and important treasure in life. Trust me.

So, clearly I’m full of holiday spirit (as opposed to what I’m usually full of!). But am I alone in this?

Oh, sure, now I see. You all are taking vacation days and hitting the shops, aren’t you?! Well, stay away from Starbucks on Lakeport Avenue!

Don’t worry about me, there’s some eggnog left… I’ll be okay. I’m just hoping to avoid the mall until sometime in March. Because I really don’t want to end up beating another human being with a stuffed reindeer.