Like
many others, I've been thinking about BDSM and romance novels a lot recently.
I've read some great blog posts explaining BDSM and dispelling myths about it.
Many have dissected the popularity of FSOG (yeah, don't worry, not going to do
that here) with much discussion about feminism and female passivity and male
power and how we don’t want the power we’ve gained through equality, we just
want to submit blah blah blah.
Judging
from my Amazon
sales, there are a lot of people who probably don't even realize I write BDSM
stories. I don't know if I do them particularly well, but I've gotten quite a
few good reviews for them, in particular, Power Struggle probably garnered me
the most rave reviews of any of my books.
I
enjoy writing BDSM stories and I enjoy reading them — some of them. We all have
personal tastes, and I will admit that when I read a book where the Dom hero
told the sub heroine she was going to eat healthy food or else she'd go hungry,
that kinda put me off a little.
So
what’s the appeal of BDSM romances? Here's my theory.
Sex
makes a woman very, very vulnerable. This is true for several reasons — physically,
of course, she is vulnerable —getting naked with a man who is bigger and
stronger than she is puts her in a very vulnerable position. On top of that,
there are STDs which women are more at risk of acquiring, plus pregnancy and
the consequences of that which can lead to long term child rearing
responsibility. Then there's the emotional vulnerability. Yes, women can have
no strings attached sex, but the reality is that sex often causes an emotional
response in women (there is a scientific, hormonal explanation for it) which
results in feelings of attachment that may or may not be shared by the man.
For
all of these reasons, it is important that a woman trust the man she is having
sex with.
As
I said, these things don't just apply to BDSM relationships but to all relationships, and this is a good
part of the reason the books I write include sex — because putting characters
at their most vulnerable tests them the most, creates the most tension, and
creates the most intimacy.
BDSM can range from some kink in the bedroom, to a total power
exchange or 24/7 D/s relationship. It can range from a little bondage and
spanking to some pretty extreme (and potentially dangerous) fetishes.
For
this reason, the issue of trust becomes even more important. If getting naked
between the sheets makes you vulnerable, being naked and tied up makes you even more vulnerable. This heightened need for
mutual trust and respect intensifies the relationship, and in a romance, means
the author has to really develop that part of the relationship between hero and
heroine. Nobody wants to read about a woman who is clearly TSTL by letting an
asshole she doesn’t trust tie her up. And since a romance is all about the
relationship, this deepening relationship can result in a more powerful and
moving story.
(Note: the Dominant person in a relationship can
certainly be a woman, and the submissive a man — I'm generalizing this way
mostly because all my books have dominant heroes.)
For
the woman to put this kind of trust in a man, literally putting her life in his
hands, this has to be a man worthy of such trust. I enjoy romances which
feature heroes who are strong, honorable, courageous and loyal. Consider how
important those qualities are when a woman is trusting him with her life.
Now
this can happen in, say, a romantic suspense novel, or even a historical novel
set in times of war, or where there are dangers like highwayman and pirates —
there are definitely other ways to create situations where the hero has the
heroine's life in his hands. But I write contemporary romance and like most
people, my day to day life is pretty safe and I don't really need a man to
protect me from dangers all around.
On
the other hand…safe, sane and consensual BDSM includes the use of a safe word…meaning
the woman is assured she will never truly be hurt. Having sex with a stranger,
with no negotiations, maybe even drunk sex, is far more dangerous than
consensual bondage with a safe word. In a vanilla life, how many women have that
assurance that they will never be hurt? Which really means, in a BDSM
relationship, she’s not helpless--she’s powerful…
So
writing a romance that includes BDSM and the complex needs of each character
that potentially could include putting the heroine's life in the hands of the
hero, means that hero has to be especially heroic. This creates characters that
are larger than life, truly heroic heroes that we want to fall in love with
too.
My
brain runneth over with thoughts about BDSM, but this post is long enough, so
you can read Kelly Thinks About BDSM Part Deux at my own blog this weekend
Also I'm sharing asmutty sexy excerpt from my BDSM book Rigger at The Good Smut Event on Tuesday May 22 - stop by to check it out, and I'm posting more about why I write BDSM there on Tuesday May 29.
Also I'm sharing a
4 comments:
awesome post as usual. can't wait to read part 2. ;)
Had to hop off Reader and jump in to say I thoroughly enjoyed your post, Kelly. Spot-on!
Great post and I am looking forward to reading the next part and the post on The Good Smut Event.
super nice.
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