It’s time for more embarrassing editor comments!
I’ve posted some of these before, but some people may have missed them, and I have a few new ones to add after recent edits. When I started writing erotic romance I wasn’t prepared for the “intimate” nature of the editorial comments. But I’m always grateful for my editors’ input because they make the book so much better! So here we go...
Did I miss where she stepped out of the pink bikini panties?
Is he going from the front to the back on this? Like she’d have to lift her hips to give him access to her ass bc he’s coming from the front. Bc the “sliding it down” throws me a bit. Can you rework this a bit so maybe he removes his hand from pussy after he slicks it up and moves it to ass? Am I overthinking it?
FYI, the haze of red also happened after she’d had anal sex. So one of these might need to be adjusted.
This gets a bit hazy in here. I think once they’ve painted the flowers and lines down to her clit, they need to drop the brushes and maybe start licking or using their fingers.
I’m a little concerned about the image this presents. When a woman is becoming wet during foreplay, can she really produce enough moisture that it ‘surges’ out of her? Sounds like it’s flooding out, which seems just a bit too exaggerated.
So where’s the curls he was running his fingers through? Or has she had a French wax?
Who is this ‘he’? When we’re so deep into a scene with the two guys, gotta be careful with the use of the masculine pronoun that there’s no confusion.
I guess if you answer comment 49, it would also answer this one, but for the record, I’m currently confused as to who has their hands full of her breasts.
Where is he licking her? Down further it sounds like Chris is already fucking her (unclear which hole) so not sure what he’s asking Dag to do
When did he enter her? I thought the plan was for him to fuck her ass and for Dag to fuck her pussy once he got her all wet. Although, if he’s fucking her pussy, what need is there for Dag to get her ‘good and ready’ since the fucking will be generating natural lubrication? Sorry, confused.
Hopefully with some lube? Saliva isn’t going to be enough for more than one finger, especially since he's going to be Tense with a capital T ;-)
Back on page 60 he still had underwear on, and there’s been no update on that. Is he stroking through the fabric?
Again, there has been no update to the guys being on the bed in their undies (p60), so for this to be possible, you need to work in about him (and possibly Nick) taking off those boxers.
Considering that so far there’s been no anal sex, and the guys have both worn condoms, what’s to wash?
First up, a woman snaking her hand down to take care of herself when she's the meat in a very hot man-sandwich throws me right out of the scene and I wonder if the guys really have a clue what they're doing. Secondly, I’m always amazed when I see this in a story, that a hand can not only fit in the middle of that crush of bodies/groins, but that the woman can move her hand/finger once it’s there. If you decide you want to remove it, but feel she still needs the stimulation, her nipples are right near Nick’s mouth ;-) I also guess that I’m amazed that if two hot, sexy and horny guys can’t do something in this position to get her off, then what’s the point? ;-)
Dangler - sounds like her gaze is speaking to both of them.
Um…no lube? She’s an anal virgin and he knows it. Is he trying to deliberately freak her out?
Since you just used “womb” about what about “Pussy” or “cunt”?
What about cross contamination. As a doc, he’d know not to put his mouth on her again after it has been on/in her anus.
Did it (his cock) soften from beforehand?
When did his finger enter her? Above he’s playing with her breasts with both hands.
This all sounds like Abby toyed with Abby’s nipples
This can’t be correct if she has hair there as you said above.
Gotta watch the “her” and “she’s” when writing sex scenes with two women.
Didn’t Melina get a Brazilian for him?
Your womb is your uterus…I’m thinking it’s her vagina that is?
If she’s kissing his nipples, she wouldn’t really be lying on his chest, but leaning over him.
Is he wearing a condom?
If she’s on her tummy, how can any arousal be trailing to her anus? Wouldn’t that be going against gravity?
Just checking… deliberately no condom this time, or did he just forget?
The way this is phrased, it’s not clear whether it’s her mouth or his cock that’s “hot and velvet, hard and pulsing”
Dangler – reads as though she is hot, hard and throbbing
If she’s on the bottom, why would she need to lift her head?
This reads as if her neck is sitting beside her on his couch.
Is this anal or vaginal?
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