Friday, August 20, 2010

What's Past Is Prologue


Okay, I’m going on record here—I actually like prologues. I know I’m not supposed to. All the writing workshops tell you not to use them. Donald Maass claims, in his Writing the Breakout Novel, that his agency automatically rejects any book that has one (authors take note). The idea is that anything that goes into a prologue should probably go into Chapter 1, and if you can’t work it in, then the prologue is probably unnecessary. I get it—I really do. I still like prologues, though.

Let’s look at the things a prologue can be used for. First of all, it can provide a pivotal episode in the past that will indirectly affect all that follows. Nora Roberts does this with her Three Sisters Island books. The actions of the original three sisters have consequences that extend into the present, and seeing them act sets up the situation Roberts wants to carry forward. Yes, the characters do refer to the earlier sisters, but they don’t have to sit down and explain everything that happened, thanks to the prologue.

Then you’ve got the “key to the mystery” prologue where the author gives some cryptic clues about what’s going to happen here and who’s involved. Linda Howard does that in Mr. Perfect, where the brief prologue not only gives you a hint about who the nasty killer is but also gives you an idea of the twist in the plot. These types of prologues are often very tricky indeed since the reader may not be able to connect them to the story until much later in the plot, and by then the prologue may have been forgotten. That doesn’t make them unnecessary, just really, really clever and tough to do.

There are even “scene setting” prologues, where the prologue sets up the feeling the book is going to have while, perhaps, presenting a few interesting details about the plot. This kind of prologue shows up a lot in historicals, but Elizabeth Lowell uses it too in her suspense novels like Die In Plain Sight and The Wrong Hostage.

Now you may have noticed a couple of things here. First, all of these authors are very successful and very well known. And I could have added others to this list: Julia Quinn, for example, and Eloisa James and Mary Balogh. The idea that no good writer uses a prologue is just, well, silly. But the other thing you may have noticed, if you’ve read my Konigsburg books, is that I’ve never written a prologue myself.

Well, that’s not exactly true. I have, in fact, written prologues. I have also trashed those prologues. I’ll admit it—the current anti-prologue bias has me spooked. So I’ll go on being prologueless, at least for the time being.

Still, I have to come back to my original point. I like prologues for a simple reason: the prologue lets the reader feel like an insider. Think about it—the prologue usually gives you information at least some of the characters in the novel don’t have. You know what happened in the past to cause this situation. You know something about the murderer (although not enough to give the identity away too soon). You have a piece of the puzzle that the others won’t understand until later. If the writer is really good, that puzzle piece will let you begin to see the ultimate shape of the plot more quickly than some of the characters do. And that’s fun.

Far from being superfluous, a good prologue pulls the reader in and makes her a collaborator with the author in creating the scene. Or anyway, that’s how I see it.

So what do you think? Will you tolerate prologues, or do prologues make you want to throw the book against the nearest wall (always providing, of course, that it’s not an ebook because throwing a Kindle or a Nook could have serious consequences)?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

When Romance Gets Too Real


Recently Meg got a negative review from the SmartBitches (Sarah, specifically). It was a strange review - Sarah gave Long Time Gone a DNF - Did Not Finish. Now, DNF usually indicates something very, very wrong with a book - something hugely offensive or shockingly stupid. In this case, though, the problem was tuna fish. The hero caught a whiff of tuna fish when he kissed the heroine, and Sarah squicked.

[I'm not gonna talk about negative reviews today, but a lot of readers told Sarah how much they love the Konigsberg series. Sarah's now reading Venus in Blue Jeans, based on commenters' urging, and I think Long Time Gone will post a spike in sales simply based on the exposure.]

Sarah couldn't handle tuna breath. (One commenter said she couldn't stand it when a character in a romance book eats something she (the commenter) hates. I wonder how many books she has to put down?) But in real life, everybody's breath smells like something. In real life, people have morning breath, while romance characters wake up, roll over, and make sweet sweet lurve. In real life, people have bed head, but romance heroines wake up adorably mussed and heroes are sexy and tousled. In real life, peoples' deodorants sometimes stop working before they do, but romance heroes smell manly and heroines smell floral, or citrusy, or herbal, no matter what they've just been doing. In real life, guys decide to settle down when they get tired of holding in their farts, but romance heroes never let one rip, not even after they get married. (More on farts in a second. Seriously.)

So the question today is - how real is too real for you?

I guess we all have our squick triggers.© For some it's food, for others it's body parts or processes.

I read erotica and erotic romance, including, occasionally, BDSM.
The genre gets a little too physically real for me sometimes. Confession: I can't stand butts -- well, butts are okay, I just don't like buttholes. I don't like butt secks and I don't like reading anything about peoples' posterior orifices. A lot of BDSM novels get very clinical. Seeing the word "anus" doesn't ruin a book for me, but I'll just glide over the rest of the paragraph and catch up with the post-butt action.

I used to have a friend who couldn't stand watching, hearing about or reading about people vomiting (yeah, having small children sucked for her). Sarah mentioned a romance novel where the heroine puked, and a bit later the hero kissed her, and there was no change of scene or anything to indicate that the heroine brushed her teeth first. This is an instance where the romance novel is ickier, instead of prettier, than real life. I don't think puking girls get kissed before they brush their teeth -- at least not after college.

Okay, I said we'd get back to farts. I'm going to assume that no romance hero has ever farted. But there's at least one heroine who has.

Princess Daisy, published in 1980, was a huge bestseller and earned Judith Krantz a five million dollar advance. [Discussion topic for later: what happened to the big glitzy cheeseball contemporaries like Scruples, Princess Daisy, Lace, etc.?] Near the end of the story, Princess Daisy, a Brit, and the American hero whose name I don't remember meet at an English country house party. She surprises him in his room late at night and they make sweet sweet lurve. As they're cuddling and afterglowing, she lets out three tiny little pops. It's been almost thirty years, but I'll never forget the scene. I was like, "she farted?" Daisy is mortified, of course, and tries to flee. But the laid back hero just laughs it off and makes a joke about the "Queen's salute."

Daisy's the only farting romance heroine I know of -- if you're aware of any others, please share. The scene is so memorable that the eminent literary critic Clive James wrote an essay about it. (It's here and it's awesome. Don't read it if you hate mean reviews.)

I can't think, offhand, of any other romances I've read where I went "Whoa. That's a little too real life for me." What about you? Bad breath, digestive difficulties, aromatic armpits - what's too real for you?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Guest Blogger Dita Parker - Motherhood, Or Executive Leadership Training Guerrilla Style


Anybody else ready for school to start already? Counting the days, I must confess. My babies aren't babies anymore but neither are they self-sufficient yet, and with Hubby working the oddest of hours, my summers are part fun and part when-oh-when-will-life-resume-normal-programming.


I'm grateful for my cubs. They're healthy, smart and funny. When they're not being cheeky, quarrelsome and unruly. I adore them, when I'm not counting to ten and contemplating selling them to the highest bidder. Not in a million years or for a gazillion dollars, but if you're a terrible twos survivor, you know what I mean. Besides, those moments are just unattended needs and conflicting interests and timetables talking, or trying to, while I hold my tongue, count to ten and wait for the tantrum to pass, theirs, mine... It's best not to keep score.


I try to remember that what I strive to teach my children pales in comparison to what they've taught me over the years. I've learned how to be more organized, how to better prioritize, motivate, support and encourage. I've had plenty of opportunities to develop my problem solving and conflict resolution skills, to say nothing of self-control and stress management. Their very distinct personalities and temperaments have made me more sensitive and given me a chance to improve my communication skills.


Patience, commitment, self-awareness, being proactive and empathetic... I could go on and on. Of course you don't have to have children to gain these skills, or set your sights on managerial positions to make use of them, but everything my kids have taught me have not only made me a better parent, they've made me a better writer.


Now, if I could only conjure some more hours to my day or learn to function without sleep, and get over the feeling I'm way too often present yet absent, my mind on a WIP even when there's not a notebook, keyboard or moment's peace in sight... No skills required to make those wishes come true, only magic.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Editing the erotic romance

All authors go through the editing process. I truly value my editors’ input. They’ve made suggestions that have made my books so much better, they find stupid mistakes (like he was wearing a T-shirt when he left home but a button-down shirt when he got home), overrused words, factual mistakes, and misused words. But I have to say I never anticipated the kind of comments I would get from my editors on erotic romances. I’ve had some “conversations” back and forth about some pretty intimate subjects! Here are some comments from some of my editors that have gone into my "most embarrassing editor comments file". (Warning: X rated comments!)


This all sounds like Abby toyed with Abby’s nipples

Gotta watch the “her” and “she’s” when writing sex scenes with two women.

Didn’t Melina get a Brazilian for him?

Your womb is your uterus…I’m thinking it’s her vagina that is?

If she’s kissing his nipples, she wouldn’t really be lying on his chest, but leaning over him.

Is he wearing a condom?

If she’s on her tummy, how can any arousal be trailing to her anus? Wouldn’t that be going against gravity?

Just checking… deliberately no condom this time, or did he just forget?

The way this is phrased, it’s not clear whether it’s her mouth or his cock that’s “hot and velvet, hard and pulsing”

Dangler – reads as though she is hot, hard and throbbing

If she’s on the bottom, why would she need to lift her head?

This reads as if her neck is sitting beside her on his couch.

Um…no lube? She’s an anal virgin and he knows it.

Since you just used “womb” about what about “pussy” or “cunt”?

What about cross contamination. As a doc, he’d know not to put his mouth on her again after it has been on/in her anus.

Did it (his cock) soften from beforehand?

Is this anal or vaginal?


Friday, August 13, 2010

Playing In Someone Else's Universe



So my kids are currently hooked on the TV show Danny Phantom. My oldest, particularly, is a big fan, and has complained at length about it being cancelled.

A week or so ago, though, they discovered something new and amazing. "Mom," FutureStar said breathlessly, pointing at the computer screen. "Did you know there's something called fanfic?"

Uh-oh.

In between making sure the site was okay, and giving strict instructions about which ratings they are allowed to read and which ratings are off-limits (WAAAAAY too young for slash, thank you very much), I had to laugh. Because the very first romance story I ever wrote was a fanfic piece.

And yes, I know this is a minefield. I thought long and hard about posting this, because I know there are many, many authors out there who hate fanfic with a passion. But for me, that story was a chance to rectify what I saw as a massive failure on the part of the network toward a show I really enjoyed.

See, the TV show ended the season on a cliffhanger, clearly preparing to come back the next year with the answer to the "will she or won't she" question they posted at the end of the episode. And then the network pulled the show from its schedule, leaving fans frustrated and irritated. Who does the main character end up with? The fiance at the altar, or the ex who showed up in time to stop the wedding? We'd never know, because the show was over and done.

So after stewing about it for a while, I sat down and pounded out my own ending, what I would have liked to see if the show had continued. It gave me a sense of conclusion, a way to reach that HEA I felt the programming directors had denied me.

It also gave me my writing career. Because after writing that story, I started really thinking about WHY that HEA was so important to me. Why I needed closure, why I cared about the characters finding love. If it was something that compelled me in fandom, why not when writing in my own playground? And thus a romance writer was born.

And when my kid pulled out a notebook and started plotting a Danny Phantom story, I knew that it held the same temptation for FutureStar that it did for me, all those years ago - a chance to explore the "what if?" left behind when a favorite show ended too soon.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Thursday 13 ~ New Genre-blenders I'd Like to Try

It's no secret I like to mix things up, or that when it comes to cross combining sub-genres my usual philosophy is, more is more.

But you can blame this post on Kelly, Meg and Juniper who just had to play, what if...
They got me thinking, you know? And that's always a little bit dangerous.

So here, in no particular order, is a list of thirteen new cross-genre romances I'd maybe like to try:

# 1.   Amish Shapeshifter How will the peaceful Amish react to the werewolf in their midst?  Or is the shifter one of the sheep?


# 2.  Amish Shapeshifter Ménage Similar to the above, only with several sheep shifters. 
 


# 3.  Western Vampire Inspirational  In which Tex, the preacher’s son turned vampire lawman, finds salvation when he falls for Maggie Mae, the poor-but-virtuous widow woman-slash-school marm.

# 4.  Steampunk BDSM Romance Oh, c'mon, who hasn’t looked at some of that Steampunk gadgetry and thought, “Gee, what I could do with that in the bedroom.”

# 5.  Erotic Steampunk Zombie Romance Okay, I’ll admit it, zombie romances might be a tad hard to stomach. But if anyone could get them to hold things together long enough to get the job done, it’s the Steampunk science geeks. 

   

# 6. Post-apocalyptic Cowboy Time-travel Romance A classic tale wherein “Cowboy” replaces “Connecticut Yankee” and “Mad Max” replaces “King Arthur”

 # 7.  Voluptuous Angels & Demons BDSM Romance Who doesn’t love fluffy angels? Who doesn’t occasionally want to see them get tied up?

# 8.  Historic Paranormal Erotic Romance Oh, wait. I already did something like that, didn’t I?

# 9.  Historic Sci-fi Rom-com Suspense Jane Austin does MacGyver

#10.  Sweet Post-apocalyptic Holiday Fantasy Romance What? It’s nothing more than your basic sci-fi version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”




#11.  Erotic Fairytale Fetish The real reason everyone in Oz was after Dorothy's slippers. 
#12.  Amish Chick-lit Romantic Suspense Think "Sex in the City" meets "The Witness".


#13.  LGBT Military Ménage When one man in uniform is simply not enough.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Let the Games Begin

BREAKING NEWS! The winners of the Welcome Juniper party have been selected, thanks to the genius of Random.org. They are:

Courtesy of Kinsey Holley, a copy of Training the Receptionist goes to Willa.

Courtesy of Erin Nicholas, elaing8 is the winner of a copy of My Three Lords.

Courtesy of PG Forte, a copy of The Extremist goes to *yadkny*.

Courtesy of Kelly Jamieson, hotcha12 wins a copy of Doll.

And since they've given away all my books, I'm awarding some Vosges exotic truffles to ... Tamara Lynn!

Congratulations everyone and thanks for playing.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Since this is my first official post as one of the Nine Naughty Novelists, I really want to impress everyone. Maybe I should talk about my books … nah. I write books, you already know that. Or my upcoming wedding … uh oh. Haven’t started planning yet.

Well, I’ve heard that some people are fascinated by Alaska – perhaps I can impress everyone by talking about our lesser-known favorite sports. No, not the Iditarod. I’m talking about the OUTHOUSE RACES.

Yep, every winter, people bring their homemade outhouses – decorated for the occasion – to the race. One person has to be on the throne, the others have to be pushing, carrying, or otherwise manhandling the outhouse across the finish line.

Yes, it’s a long winter -- we have to amuse ourselves somehow.

For instance, the NENANA ICE CLASSIC. In this action-packed event, a tripod is placed on the frozen Tanana River at the beginning of winter. People place bets on the precise moment – to the minute -- “break-up” will cause the tripod to fall into the river. Sure, it’s silly – until you hear the size of the jackpot. Last year, if you guessed right, you could have won $279,030.

Ready to move here yet?

If you lived here, you too could participate in the SEWARD POLAR BEAR JUMP. All you have to do is jump into the ocean … in JANUARY!







But what about the summer, you ask?

Yes, there is a summer. Kind of. You can always take part in the MOUNT MARATHON RACE.

That’s the one where you run a mile and a half straight up a mountain, complete with cliffs and waterfalls and rockslides, then back down, trying like hell to stay on your feet.



Maybe you’d like something more relaxing. Here’s a competition in which all you have to do is grow facial hair. (Sorry, I’m out.) THE WORLD BEARD AND MOUSTACHE COMPETITION happens every two years. Categories include the “musketeer,” “the Imperial,” and freestyle. Although this event travels the world, I’m including it because the reigning freestyle champ is Anchorage’s own David Trainor.


Not only that – Beard Team USA dominated the 2009 event. (Sorry, Canada, better luck next time.)








Unique to Alaska – and this one I truly love and attend whenever I can – is the WORLD ESKIMO-INDIAN OLYMPICS, which features events based on native Alaskan skills and games.
The Ear Pull, the Fish Cutting Competition, the Greased Log Walk, the Blanket Toss – they celebrate and honor ancient survival skills. At WEIO, competitors dress in street clothes, sincerely cheer each other on, and turn the stadium into a big party.

Have I convinced you to move here yet, or at least visit? I like to affectionately tease my adopted state, but Alaska truly is a fascinating – if weird -- place to live. If there’s anything you’d like to ask about Alaska, and what it’s like to live here, now’s your chance. Ask me anything! If I don't know the answer, I'll make it up. Couldn't be stranger than the truth!

Juniper