E is for Erotica

I think I may have been around the block a few too many times.

I used to be able to handle the sometimes clueless questions about romance or e-publishing with a whole lot more grace and good humor. I used to be able to smile tolerantly at the people struggling to figure out whether my books were “real” books or…god only knows what.

Lately, however, it’s been starting to get to me. So here’s a brief (well, hopefully it’ll be brief. I can occasionally be concise you know!) rundown of some of my current pet peeves.

1. Please don’t refer to me as an e-book author. I write books. Period. Technically, I suppose I should say I write stories (or novels, if you prefer), which are then turned into books by my publishers. These books can take several different forms—print, digital, maybe audio someday. 

Maybe you don’t mean for it to sound like an insult when you relegate my books to a particular category based on the format in which they're released, but the simple fact is this: that’s exactly how it does sound. Kinda like Paul McCartney’s Paperback Writer, if you know what I mean.

2. Please don’t assume that I’d rather be print published than e-published. That may have been the case at one time but at this point I’m actually pretty sure my books are exactly where they’re supposed to be. You may think of “e-publishers” as being somehow inferior to “print publishers” or “real publishers" or "New York publishers" or however else you want to refer to them. I don’t.

3. Please do not make the assumption that gave this post its title. The “e” in “e-book” does not stand for erotica—no matter what you may have heard. Which is not to suggest I have anything against erotica or erotic romance, because clearly I don’t. It’s just that there’s a lot more to digital publishing than sex...disappointing as that may be to some people.

4. While we’re on the subject: Erotica and erotic romance—not the same thing. No, really.

5. Want to know what other two things “aren’t the same”? E-publishing and Indie Publishing. 

Look, I have nothing but respect for indie authors, but they have to wear a lot of hats and spend even more time “not writing” than I do. Most publishers—yes, even the digital ones—employ people to handle all (okay, most) of the non-writing work involved with bringing a book to market, work that I can’t or don’t want to do myself. 

I don't want to be the person responsible for finding or hiring these other people either. And I don't delegate all that well. As long as I can find reputable, well-respected publishers willing or—even better—eager to publish my books I’m happy to share the profits of my labor with all the people (editors, proof-readers, cover artists, everyone else I’m leaving out) who help me sell my books or who help to make them better.

6. If you’re writing a book, or thinking about writing a book, or maybe you’ve just finished writing a book, I will most likely be genuinely happy for you. I will most likely even be happy to listen while you tell me all about it. At. Very. Great. Length. 

Hey, you’re excited. I get that. And I think it’s great. I will probably even be willing to listen if all you want to do is complain about how hard it is to find a publisher ‘cause, trust me, I get that too. However, here’s another “e” word for you: Education. 

We all feel like we’re throwing darts sometimes, but if you’re sending your manuscript to the wrong publishers because you couldn’t be bothered doing a little research first, or if, even worse, you’re not sending your manuscript out at all (‘cause, you know, these e-publishers, all they want is erotica!) then you’re making things even harder for yourself than they need to be. And I have to wonder if you really want to be published at all.

7. And if you’re writing a book, or thinking about writing a book, or thinking about thinking about writing a book, and all you want to talk to me about is how your book is too good for “commercial” publishers—that’s why it’s being rejected. Or maybe you want to tell me how it’d be a sure-fire, blockbuster, best-selling hit if it weren’t for all those short-sighted agents who keep shooting it down. Or that it’s the kind of hard-hitting, truth-telling story that could get you killed if it ever came out…please, find someone else to share with.

8. Oh, yeah, and please don’t tell me that, of course, you “could” write books--and they’d be awesome too, man!  Because, after all, writing books is really a very easy thing to do, right? It's just that you have so many more important matters on which to spend your time; or “people” (ie publishers, agents, readers, me perhaps) just don’t have the intelligence to appreciate your talent, or… 

You know what? Forget it. I don’t care. You have your reasons. Let’s leave it at that, 'kay?

***

I have one more “E” word for you today, dear blog readers, and that’s “Erin”. Yes, I’m referring to our very own lovely Ms. Nicholas who believes she’s under some kind of weird Twitter curse. Go here and follow her: www.twitter.com/ErinNicholas I hear she’s planning all sorts of cool giveaways in conjunction with her latest releases: tote bags, refrigerator magnets, free books, blueberries…oh, no, wait a minute. Not blueberries. Those were for something else.

Don't forget to come back here tomorrow to read Chapter Three of The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies.