Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Guest Blogger Shelley Munro - One Size Fits All

Thanks to Nine Naughty Novelists for inviting me to visit today. My name is Shelley Munro and I write spicy hot romances. Since I write so many love scenes, I come into contact…so to speak…with quite a few of the male of the species and their appendages. Yep, I’m gonna talk about dangly bits today.

There seems to be a fascination with size and shape in the fictional world. Oh, and color plays a factor too. Some heroes have huge ones even though in real life the average length is 5 – 7 inches. Some are wide. Some are thin. The colors also make me chuckle since they all sound angry, ranging from deep red to purple. They throb and weep a lot and they’re constantly pushing at zippers, like crazed creatures desperate to get out.

Let’s look at contemporary romances first. These quotes are all from my personal e-book collection.

“…he felt his cock grow rock hard and solid, throbbing in the denim prison of his jeans as his partner explored his neck with his warm, sensual lips.” The Assignment by Evangeline Anderson

“He has no style, no class, and I doubt he has a cock over five inches long. He probably only needs a finger or two to jack off with.” He sat back slowly in his chair. His cock, all five inches and several more, pulsed in outrage.” Wicked Intent by Lora Leigh

“His impressive shaft curved ever so slightly, purplish-blue veins running the entire length of it to meet together at the large mushroom cap.” Cougar by Beverly Rae

“But all Eric could do was stare at his own cock, now purplish-red with arousal, waving in the air like an unadorned flagpole.” Triad by Cat Grant

“Justin had never seen such a large cock outside a triple x movie.” Coach by Carol Lynne

See what I mean? These appendages are really creatures with a life of their own. I sometimes wonder why our intrepid heroines let their lovers anywhere near them. Now let’s move right along to paranormal and sci-fi romances. This is where things become interesting because the appendages in this genre have surprises in store for the unwary sexual partner. They sprout extra bits without warning or sometimes they even double up and there are two of them—a sort of a surprise ambush.

Here are a few more snippets from my library to show you what I mean.

“His cock tunneled inside her, then thickened further, then further, until each time his hips jerked, the unusual thickness that seemed to have grown at the point where her channel was narrowest, only lodged him inside her tighter. His cock was spurting repeatedly as he cried out her name, his body jerking against her, triggering flaring, multi-orgasms as the hard ball wedged inside her tighter, hotter than before.” Jacob’s Faith by Lora Leigh

“Then what he said finally registered. "Two cocks? She froze out of sheer surprise. Seht rolled his hips and shoved. Both cocks slid deep." Victorious Star by Morgan Hawk

“Danellan ran her hand between their bodies and cupped his cock, teasing him with her fingers. He had to give in. She wanted Michael to be the first to take her to completion. She wanted to feel his cock locked in her female band.” Second Son by Brenna Lyons

“Callan cleared his throat as a slight grin edged his lips. “Our cocks produced a phenomena resembling the barb that actual felines have. It’s blunt rather than sharp, but locks us into our women for long minutes after ejaculation. It’s possible a similar phenomena occurs in the Wolf Breeds.” Elizabeth’s Wolf by Lora Leigh

Yes, I fear it’s true. If you decide to step into a paranormal world, you must watch for hidden extras. They lurk in unexpected places.

While it’s true I’m poking fun, a little naughtiness makes writing and reading erotic romance fun.

Here’s a snippet from one of my books, Never Send a Dog to do a Woman’s Job

“He stepped behind the kitchen table in the hope it would hide his burgeoning erection. His cock was starting to feel like the sail of a glider-ship being hoisted then hauled in because of fickle winds. Up. And then down. Was it any wonder he felt a little crazed?”

And one more snippet from the same book…

“Lily’s gaze zapped to his cock. “Whoa!” She scrambled away to stare in half horror, half fascination. That was a bit…unexpected!

Alex stilled. “What’s wrong?”

“You…you’ve turned blue!” The sudden need to laugh quivered through her like a glass of tickly champagne. Alex’s…thing… She peered a little harder. Not just his thing… “My God,” she muttered. “It’s the exact color of a baboon’s bum!”

So, what do you think about these appendages in fiction? Do we writers pay entirely too much attention to them? Do you have any examples to add to my collection of examples? Comments?

Shelley Munro lives in New Zealand and writes romance for Carina Press, Ellora’s Cave, Liquid Silver Books and Samhain Publishing. As you can see from the above example, she’s guilty of giving extra life to appendages in some of her stories. Her most recent release is The Spurned Viscountess from Carina Press. You can visit Shelley and learn more about her books at www.shelleymunro.com


Meg Benjamin said...

Oh lordy, Shelley, it's not fair to make people spit coffee this early in the morning! Hilarious. And welcome to the Naughty Nine.

Cara Bristol said...

Funny, funny blog. I wished I'd thought of it for my blog. You put a lot of a research into this.

BTW, I read The Spurned Viscountess a while back and enjoyed it. Good read!

Shelley Munro said...

LOL Meg - I had lots of fun writing this post.

Cara - I think research is one of the fun parts of writing erotic romance. I'm so glad you enjoyed The Spurned Viscountess. :)

Robin Covington said...

Shelley! Hilarious post! But, I do love the way that men in romance tend to get led around by their . . . um . . dangly parts.

What woman doesn't want a man to be so overcome with lust that his wingman controls him? Now that some feminine power!

Kelly Jamieson said...

TWO COCKS!!! Not being a big paranormal reader I had NO IDEA!! And extra bits! Oh my goodness. I loved this post and being a fan of the male appendage, I loved all those excerpts!! Welcome to the Naughty Nine Shelley!

Shelley Munro said...

Robin - yes, the men do seem to be led around by their dangly parts. In some books they go up and down and up and down. It's a wonder they don't break off. ;)

Shelley Munro said...

LOL Kelly, I tell you - you're missing out by not reading paranormal *wink*

Erin Nicholas said...

Welcome Shelley!!
This is a *great* post! Taken out of context and read all together like that those "bits" seem even more out of control! *G*

Shelley Munro said...

Thanks, Erin.

Thanks so much all for having me to visit :)

Tara Lain said...

Hi Shelley -- Great post. I was laughing but riveted. Had to make a few notes! Also, i have a request in for a Savvy blog tour for my upcoming release. Great to know what a good job they do. : )