Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies - Chapter 12

Chastity surveyed the Bloodsuck B&B that Billy Bob Whatsis had been able to rent for an indefinite period. Knotty pine paneling, tired chintz curtains, and linoleum floors. Linoleum, for Pete’s sake! Not nearly as nice as the Double Fang, which, of course, wasn’t nearly as nice as Rock Fangsworthy’s place in Houston. The sooner she got back with Rock, the better.
Of course, the last time she’d seen him, Rock hadn’t looked too eager to get back together. But she figured that was only temporary. One glance at the girls in all their double-D glory, and he’d fall into line again. Well, one of the girls was definitely double-D. The other one was more like D minus. Damn that plastic surgeon!
Anyway, as soon as Billy Bob got rid of Buffi, she’d be back with Rock faster than you could shake something at something. She was really bad at these country metaphors.
Speaking of Billy Bob Whatever, she glanced through the window to see him staggering up to the front door of the B&B. For some reason he was carrying a large sack over his shoulder, which seemed to emphasize his unfortunate resemblance to Santa Claus, at least in terms of his girth.
Billy Bob threw open the door, lowering the sack to the floor with a thump. “Geez those pups are heavy,” he panted.
“What pups?” Chastity narrowed her eyes. “I thought you were supposed to be poisoning that bitch? Don’t tell me you picked up some puppies instead?”
“Well, they were there and they were barking and it was just easier to sort of bring them along…” He opened the top of the bag, peeked in, and then jumped back. “Holy Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat!” he croaked.
The bag fell open and Chastity found herself staring at two babies. Human babies. With blue eyes and black hair and a sort of angelic look around the mouth. She took a step nearer and the babies grinned, showing tiny pearly teeth and well-developed canines. Very well-developed indeed.
Chastity stepped back again. Okay. Not angelic exactly.
“You said they were dogs,” she snapped.
“They were. When they went into the sack.” Billy Bob’s forehead crinkled in thought. “Maybe it’s a magic sack.”
Chastity did a world-class eye-roll. Honestly, the people she had to work with these days. “And maybe they’re just like their Mom—who’s supposed to be freakin’ werewolf. You kidnapped Buffi’s puppies, you loon.”
“Well, of course I…” Billy Bob stared at her blankly for a moment. “Oh,” he said slowly. “Oh! You mean those kind of puppies.”
“Yes, those kind of puppies.” Chastity frowned. An idea was forming, an always-painful experience. “She probably wants them back.”
Billy Bob nodded. “Right. Well, I can take them back and tell her it was all a mistake.”
“No, you fleawit,” Chastity snarled. “If she wants them back, we can make her pay to get them.”
“Oh.” Billy Bob’s forehead crinkled again. Chastity figured ideas were painful for him too. “But she doesn’t have any money.”
“But Rock does. We’ll tell her to pay us a million, and Rock can loan it to her or something.”
“But how does that help us?” Billy Bob’s forehead crinkle had advanced to a full-on forehead crevasse. “It doesn’t help me spike Rock Fangsworthy.”
“And it doesn’t help me marry him,” Chastity explained patiently. “At least not at the moment. But the two of us get a million bucks. I think that works out.”
Billy Bob nodded slowly. “Well…okay. I’ll go tell her she needs to pay us a million dollars to get her pups…babies back.”
Chastity closed her eyes and counted to ten, which was about as high as she could reliably go without dollar signs. “Give her a note. Do not talk to her. We really don’t want to get caught doing this. And I’d just as soon Rock didn’t know we were involved. Understand?”
“Right, okay. Well, I’ll go leave her a note. You look after the er…babies.”
“Me?” Chastity cast a quick glance in the babies’ direction. The were toddling toward her on their chubby baby feet. Grinning. She moved back a few more steps. “Why don’t you look after them?”
“Because you’re the woman.” Billy Bob gave her a triumphant smile and darted out the door.
She would have cut him off before he got there, but the babies were in the way and on the move. One of them toddled to the left, while the other circled right. Both of them were watching her intently, their eyes the color of polar ice.
Chastity took a deep breath. “Hey kids, how about a little TV? I’ll bet I could find Spongebob Whoever. Maybe even Sesame Street.” She stepped quickly toward the television set at the end of the room.
Twin number two dropped to his hands and knees, then circled back to cut her off. How the hell could a toddler crawl that fast? “Well, okay then, no TV. Anybody hungry?”
Twin number one chuckled, sort of. The sound sent a shiver up Chastity’s spine. She managed a quick pivot on her four-inch heels and made it to the refrigerator. “Looks like some leftover cheese pizza and some Fritos,” she chirped as she opened the door. “And I bet there’s some lunchmeat in here somewhere.”
The low growl made her whirl. The twins were a lot closer than they should have been. Both had now dropped down to a crawl. Their pink baby bottoms trembled as they inched forward on chubby fists. The twin in front opened his mouth to show those rows of pearly baby teeth again. Except they weren’t tiny and pearly anymore—they seemed to have gotten a lot bigger in the few minutes the twins had been in the cabin. And he had those two big—very big—canines in front.
Chastity found herself backing up. One heel slammed into the kitchen table. The twins were spreading out, one on either side, their low growls making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.
Quickly, she tore off one of her Louboutins and tossed it across the room “Fetch!” she yelled.
Both twins scrambled after the shoe, snarling as they yanked it back and forth. Chastity took the opportunity to hop up onto the kitchen table. Surely they couldn’t jump that high. Not in human form anyway.
The twins turned back to look at her again, their eyes suddenly more amber than blue. Could their teeth possibly have grown even longer? She slipped off the other Louboutin, holding it in front of her like a kind of high fashion Ninja star. “Get back!” she squeaked. “I’m not afraid to use this.”
The twins grinned again. She was getting very tired of the whole grinning thing. The one in front dropped the Louboutin and cut to the left, his brother cutting to the right. Their eyes gleamed with unholy light. Chastity suddenly felt a lot like a bunny facing a pair of ravenous foxes. Except they weren’t exactly foxes, were they?
“Nice babies,” she whispered. “You really don’t want to bite me. You’d probably get silicon poisoning anyway.”
The door bounced open and Billy Bob stepped back inside. “Mission accomplished!”
“Grab them!” Chastity cried. “Put them back in the sack. Quick before they go for both of us.”
Billy Bob blinked. “But…”
“Just do it!” she snarled, hopping down from the table and running for the refrigerator. She snatched an incredibly convenient rump roast and dangled it in front of the babies’ noses. “Here boys, nice snack,” she called before tossing it into the sack.
The babies obediently followed the roast inside and Chastity tied a knot in the top with shaking hands. “Here,” she said, thrusting the writhing sack at Billy Bob. “Take ‘em to Buffi. Take ‘em to Rock. Just get ‘em out of here!!”
“But…” he repeated.
Chastity shook her head. “Get ‘em out of here now. Believe me, there’s not enough money in the world to get me to babysit those two again.”

To be continued...Chapter 13

If you enjoyed this chapter of The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies, please be sure and join us again next Thursday for the next exciting installment.
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Deanna said...

incredibility convenient rump roast! lol

Fiona said...

I'd rather have seen the twins snack on Chastity's rump! Funny how no one seems to notice the twins look just like their Daddy...hmm. Must be something in the water around those parts.

Zina said...

Loved it, they way the boys stalked her, to bad they didn't get to sink thier canines in her. I wonder how Billy Bob got that note to her so quick and now Buffi wants then gone....maybe isn't always as stupid as she looks.

Happy Thanksgiving !!!

elaing8 said...

Great chapter.
LOL-silicon poisoning
Those babies knew she was bad news.

Sherry said...

Another great chapter I'm glad that the babies are okay. Too bad they didn't bite her. I love how they were going after her.

*yadkny* said...

The nerve of Chastity to hold Buffi's babies for ransom. Well I hope they gave her a good enough scare.

Milinda said...

Shame that they didn't bite Chastity on her Double D. . . .

Debra St. John said...

Aw, poor babies. Seemed like they had the upper hand, though, didn't it?!

Double D and D minus. Great stuff.

And as for the know they put it on the Titanic - the most luxurious ship in the world at the time - because it was the new thing and considered very ritzy.

Tamsyn said...

That was hilarious! Chastity the babysitter...

Cindy said...

So will Rock find out in the next Chapter that he's a father? Can't wait!

cbandy10 (at) hotmail (dotcom)

jeanette8042 said...

Thanks for another great chapter!

Ivelisse said...

Hilarious! can't wait for next week installment.

Denise said...

What fun! Chastity as baby-sitter, not! The boys really looked to have her number until she grabbed that "incredibly convenient" rump roast. I loved the images of her and Billy Bob struggling with painful thinking. Can't wait for more.

Denise Golinowski

Danielle said...

OK...I gotta say that was good. But I really wished the babies had made mincemeat of her @ss! LOL. Although I am hoping that Chastity will get her comeuppance. I know for a fact that you NEVER toy with a mom's kids and a bitch's pups are no different. Watch out Chastity...Buffi is going to kick your ass!!! I can't wait to see that. I think this tale has brought out the bloodthirsty person in me lol.

Cassandra R said...

LoL. Chastity was scared. She is so no cut out to be the mothering type. Really enjoyed this chapeter, girls.

Susan said...

hmm, perhaps Chastity isn't such a bimbo after all LOL. another good chapter, and the twins sound soooo cute!

Cammie said...

Louboutins as a defensive weapon - they should put this in their marketing. Adore the puppies. They seem a bit brighter than their parents - must be a throwback to Grandma Van Pelt

Amy S. said...

Good little boy puppies, they put the scare into Chasity, lol.