Thursday 13: Potent Quotables

While every word in all of our serial stories is genius and hilarious, we do play favorites occasionally. Here are our 13 favorite quotes from "The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies" and "If You Give a Duke a Duchy"!

1. "Buffi stared in horror at the unconscious man lying prone on her hardwood floor. One minute he was kissing her with all the passion and desire she'd dreamed about for years; the next, he was toppling over like one of those big trees on that Discovery Channel reality show." (ZVCSWB)
2. "My dear, I have a favor to ask," he said in a low voice. She leaned forward, eyes wide.
   "Anything, your Grace."
   "I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a pickle, you see." He glanced around. "I want to propose..."
   "Yes!" She threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "I accept!"
   Westley blinked, his mouth dropping open. Apparently, his attempt to enlist her assistance in locating his ferret had resulted in gaining a spare fiancée. He had a feeling Wickham would not be amused. (IYGADAD)
3. “Whatever,” Buffi replied disinterestedly, already tearing off her clothes in preparation for shifting to wolf form. She had to get to her boys and stop them before they caught something that would make them sick.
   Rock’s eyes grew big, round, startled looking. “What are you doing?” he asked eagerly. “Not that I mind, but I thought you said we couldn’t?"
   “Oh, Rock,” Buffi sighed helplessly. “How can you even think of sex at a time like this? I have to take care of my babies. I can’t let them eat that donkey—who knows where it’s been?” (ZVCSWB)
4. Chastity Feelsgood had been told -- more than once -- that she wasn't the brighest bulb in the box. But that didn't mean she wasn't bright at all. At least, she was pretty sure that's not what it meant. (ZVCSWB)
5. "But Captain, we don't take prisoners," Mori objected.
   "Well, we do now!" snapped the comely captain.
   "But where will we keep him? We don' t even have shackles"
   "We'll get shackles when we stop in Port Royale. Until then, he'll stay in my cabin."
   "Your cab-- but captain -- that's ... that's just ... weird." (IYGADAD)
6. Score one for Billy Bob, he thought proudly. He was of half a mind to call Big Daddy and share his first victory, but he really needed a warm hot chocolate first--with extra marshmallows. Hopefully the diner in town carried Swiss Miss. (ZVCSWB)

7. Quinn tapped a throwing star against her teeth. That hurt, so she did it again. (IYGADAD)
8. Awk! Still naked,” Pemberley squawked behind him. “Still naked.” (IYGADAD)
9. He threaded his fingers through her pelt of golden hair and held her head as she used her mouth to take him to paradise, used her lips, her tongue, even, dammit, her teeth, those sharp, predatory, meat-eating teeth that made him just a little nervous when she was having lunch
   downtown. He groaned. (ZVCSWB)
10.   Had he known that morning the true details of his betrothed, Westley may have run the other way. Lady Chastity Feelsgood would not stop touching him with her unctuous hands, not stop sniffing him and saying, “My Duke, you smell so rich.” She even once paused, soup spoon halfway to her mouth, to inquire whether she'd just seen his skin sparkle. (IYGADAD)
11. Warning: The book you are about to read is a parody. Any resemblance to
    serious literature is accidental, unintended and should have been excised
    by the authors prior to this point. Readers who attempt to find a deeper
    meaning within these pages put themselves at risk of developing Brain
    Cloud, Brain Fever or, at the very least, serious confusion and
    existential despair. Read responsibly. Prepare to laugh.
    Seriously. (ZVCSWB)
12. Then he would work on being a proper Duke. He'd start by no longer pillaging and plundering. And maybe he'd have a dinner party. (IYGADAD)
13. Fellow supermodel Anoushka Verushkaya had taken up the cause of lesbian lizards (seriously— Cnemidophorus uniparens reproduced despite the fact that they were all female, which also made Xhazmyne's brain hurt—how could that be?) and look where that had gotten her—on the covers of Vogue, Vanity Fair and Reptiles Magazine. (From the upcoming NEW serial story by the Nine Naughty Novelists--stay tuned for details!)