Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Five Things You Probably Don't Need to Know

When I was casting about aimlessly for a blog topic, someone on Twitter suggested the classic “5 Things You Didn’t Know About Me.” I think this is an interesting idea, but a little vague. Should it be “5 Important Things You Didn’t Know About Me?” “5 Totally Trivial Things?” “5 Things You’d Rather Not Know About Me?

I’m just winging it here, so bear with me. You can decide what category these things belong to.

Thing #1

I don’t look good in a ponytail. My head is about the size of a grapefruit, and it looks even smaller without any hair around it. I’ve always envied people with big heads, and as far as I know there’s no exercise or surgery that can address this issue. My idol in this respect is Anna Kendrick. Just look at the size of her head as compared to her body. Now is that fair? 

 Thing #2

As an exchange student in Siena, Italy, I got a job translating a restaurant menu into English. I am the one responsible for the dish called “Hole in the Bone.” Yep, I had no idea what “ossobuco” was, so I translated it literally. In fact, it’s a “Milanese specialty of cross-cut veal shanks braised with vegetables, white wine and broth.” Too bad they didn’t have Google back then. Oh well. 

 Thing #3

The first erotic work I ever read was The Story of O. I was ten. I had no idea what I was getting into; I thought it was some cute little story about the different letters of the alphabet. One might have expected it to traumatize me, seeing as it’s hardcore BDSM. Instead, it just set me on my future career path. Thanks, random book in a throwaway pile! 

Thing #4

My husband proposed to me on our way to a garage sale to pick up a bed frame. As soon as he opened his mouth I knew what he was going to say. To this day, I have no idea how, since we’d never talked about getting married before that. But before he even said a word, chills were racing up and down my spine. Does that mean it was destiny?

Thing #5

I used to save my bacon until my younger sisters had gobbled theirs up, so I could enjoy mine slowly and torturously while they watched. Now I’m a vegetarian, and my sister occasionally gets revenge by doing the exact same thing to me. Do I need to mention that she’s a grown-up and I was a kid? Some scars run deep, I guess. So I humor her by groaning in envy of her completely unappealing (anymore) bacon.

So there you go. “5 Things You May Or May Not Have Wanted to Know About Me.” Whew. I’m really glad I got all that off my chest. Any questions? Any tips on how to make your head look bigger? Any good proposal stories you’d like to share? 

Juniper's most recent release is MY THREE MASTERS. Click the cover for more.



kelly said...

I like this! And yet another thing we have in common - I too have small head problem. I never wear my hair in an up-do or ponytail if going out - I need big hair to balance head with body. :-)

PG Forte said...

LOL! Who knew so many of us had small heads. I love this post. :)