Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies - Chapter Seven

Chastity Feelsgood had been told—more than once— that she wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t bright at all.

At least, she was pretty sure that’s not what it meant.

She twirled her diamond ring around her finger—on her right hand she noted with annoyance— then touched the two carat diamond studs in her ears and finally ran the tip of her finger over the bare skin of her neck—where the diamond choker should be. It was probably a little more bling than most would wear with a t-shirt and shorts, but the t-shirt did have sparkles that spelled out Princess so she was pretty sure it worked. Besides, the shorts were short and the t-shirt was tight and she knew that tended to make up for all kinds of other flaws.

She was thrilled Rock had finally come through with the well, rocks.

She was less than thrilled that he was at Buffi Van Pelt’s place.

Looking in the window of the woman who was—apparently— trying to bang your boyfriend was not the same as spying. She was pretty sure.

It was the most bizarre scene she’d ever spied on though. One minute Rock and Buffi were yelling at each other, while there were kids running around and puppies yapping. Then he was kissing the bejeezus out of her. Then he was falling over unconscious.

What the hell was that?

For a heart stopping moment, Chastity was afraid that he was dead. Before he could buy her the choker. Or the tennis bracelet. But then Buffi, the slut, kissed him again and he came to like he was Sleeping-Fucking-Beauty. Or was it Snow White? That was more like it since he had that really pale skin and…

Chastity shook her head, hating when she got distracted like that. She was here because Buffi the slut was trying to hone in on Chastity’s payday and that just wasn’t gonna happen! The sex with Rock was the best she’d ever had… and that was saying a lot. But if it weren’t for the billion-zillion-frakillion dollars, or whatever he had, she wouldn’t be putting up with his weird eating habits (what kind of Texan didn’t eat meat for God’s sake?) and his even weirder sleeping habits. And then there were the bats. She shuddered. Good thing he had more than a million because she didn’t think she’d be putting up with bats for only a million.

At least she was pretty sure he had more than a million.

She knew for sure those black things flying around his house were bats.

Suddenly, through the open front window, she heard Rock shouting something about getting the winery and Buffi yelling something about that never happening. Then Rock was storming through the door, his jaw tight and the vein in his temple throbbing. Chastity yelped and ran as fast as her four-inch hot pink stilettos would let her go toward the bushes at the side of Buffi’s house.

Thank God Rock was too riled up about Buffi to look around as he stomped across the yard, but as he swung himself up onto Monk’s back, Chastity took another quick step back into the shadows just in case.

“Ow! Dammit!”

She gasped and swung to face the man who was, obviously, also hiding behind the hedge. Then
she gasped again. It was the man who’d been standing outside of Rock’s place the other night!

“Get your fuckin’ heel off my foot woman,” he growled. Then he wrapped a big arm around her waist and lifted her up, setting her off his toes.

She was impressed. She loved strong men. And he was soft and warm. That soft part didn’t sound like a good thing, she could admit, but after rubbing up against the cold hardness of Rock Fangsworthy, soft and warm were okay.

And not all of him was soft.

There was a throbbing shaft of heat just below his huge belt buckle.

She was pretty sure she knew what that was.

“What do you want?” she asked. “This is the second night you’ve been sulking in the dark.”

He frowned down at her. She realized he was taller than she’d first thought because he’d been hunched over, hiding behind the bushes. He was probably at least six feet tall. He was a little thicker through the gut than Rock, but maybe he would at least eat a steak once in awhile.

“I don’t sulk in the dark or the light,” he growled.

She blinked up at him. She was pretty sure he’d been sulking both the other night at Rock’s and here tonight. “But you’re hiding out here, trying not to get caught…”

“Do you mean skulking?” he asked.

Yeah, that sounded right. Okay, when in doubt… distract.

She ran a hand up over his chest—his warm, softer-than-Rock’s-but-still-firm chest. “What are you doin’ out here darlin’?” she cooed.

“I was waitin’ for Fangsworthy.”


“I needed to… talk to him.”

“Why didn’t you?” Sure Rock had been obviously pissed off and she couldn’t let him know she’d followed him over here, but if this guy just wanted to buy some cattle or something what was the big deal?

“Those rocks on your ears caught the light and practically blinded me,” he snarled.

She smiled. She’d worn her hair up to better show off her new pretties. Rock had simply left them on her pillow with a note that said “to Chassy, from Rock”. He hadn’t used the word love, but they were big enough that she could overlook that little detail. For now.

“And those shorts had me thinkin’ of other things,” he added, his eyes dropping to the skimpy white denim that hugged her assets.

She wiggled said assets out of habit. The lamp in Buffi’s living room window gave enough light to the yard that she could see the man admiring her and that boosted her mood considerably.

“Who are you, honey?” she asked, unable to resist the urge to run her hand over his warm chest again.

“Billy Bob Bobson.”

She smiled up at him, careful to drop her eyelids to half-mast the way she practiced in the mirror. “What’s your story Billy Bob?”

“I’m gonna kill Fangsworthy,” he growled. The he swallowed hard.

Chastity thought about that. Then decided that thinking about it was too much work. “What’s that mean sugar? Like you’re mad at him and you’re gonna “kill” him?”

“No.” He swallowed again. “Like I’m gonna kill him.”

Again, the thinking thing didn’t seem worth the effort. “Why?”

Billy Bob seemed to consider that for a moment. Then he said, “Money.” He sighed, all growling aside. “Isn’t it always about money?”

Oh boy, a man after her own heart. “How’s killin’ Rock gonna mean money for you, baby?”

“My family will disown me if I don’t do it.” For a moment Billy Bob looked sad. “If it was only a million dollars I wouldn’t do it, but it’s a billion dollars.”

Chastity widened her eyes. “I know just what you mean,” she breathed. Then she frowned. “Hold on, you can’t kill Rock.”

“Why’s that?” Billy Bob growled.

“Because he means money for me.”

“How so?”

“He and I are gonna get hitched.”

Billy Bob glanced toward Buffi’s house. “You sure about that?”

Chastity drew herself up to her full five-foot-two plus four inches. “You don’t think I can compete with that?” She shifted her triple D’s, pushing the left one up just a little higher than the right to make them look even. Stupid frickin’ plastic surgeon and his shot of tequila before my boob job…

Billy Bob’s eyes dropped to her ample cleavage. “Um.” He cleared his throat. “As far as I’m concerned you’re all that and a bottle of Bud, but Fangsworthy looked pretty into Ms. Van Pelt.” He moved in a little closer to her. “If you need comforting, I’m not busy tonight.”

“Well, since you’re not busy…” She ran her hand over his chest. “I do have an idea of something you could help me with.”

“Name it.” He pressed his pulsing rod of desire against her.

“Kill Buffi Van Pelt instead.”

Billy Bob paused. “Um, huh?”

“Once she’s out of the way, Rock can have her land to expand The Double Fang. Then he’ll have even more money. Once I marry him, the money will be mine. And then I’ll make sure you get even more than your family will give you for offing him.”

It was a great plan. Chastity was pretty proud of herself. Maybe she was a brighter bulb than people thought.

“Is she a vampire?” Billy Bob frowned at the house again. “That’s all I know how to do.”

“I have no idea.” Chastity waved his concern away and ran a hand over his steely pole of passion.
“Does it really matter?”

“It might,” Billy Bob squeaked as she fondled him.

“Well then we’ll Gooble some different ways to murder someone and you can pick your favorite,” she cooed.


“You know that internet thing where you look stuff up.”

“You mean Google?”

“Yeah, whatever. You got a laptop?”

Chastity knew that men had a hard time thinking when she was doing what she was doing to Billy Bob, which usually worked in her favor. Unfortunately, she needed Billy Bob to focus. She let go of his raging rod of lust.

“Billy Bob Billionaire?” It was good that billionaire started with a B. That made it easier to remember, unlike Rock’s gazillion—frakillion—whatever.

“Yeah, baby?” He leaned in.

“You stayin’ here in town?”

His eyes were still a little glazed over. “Yup. Over at the Bloodsuck B&B.”

Chas eyes widened. “They say that place is haunted.”

Billy Bob looked a little sick at that. “Well, of course it is,” he muttered.

A few ghosts didn’t bother Chas. If she had to put up with some spooks to win back her man-- and his money-- she’d do it. “Okay, hon, I’ll follow you there.”

“How’d you get here?” Billy Bob asked as he turned and started toward the back of the house.

As they rounded the corner she saw a mini-cooper parked behind some trees at the edge of Buffi’s property.

Oh, this was much better than the burro she’d ridden out. Her inner thighs burned a little at the memory of the chafing. The Rent-A-Burro service was the only way for tourists and visitors to get around in this God-forsaken place.

She looked around as they crossed Buffi’s dark yard. She didn’t see the animal anywhere. Of course, she had no idea how to do things like tie a donkey up, so she’d just left him (or was it a her? Not that she cared) to his own devices after arriving at the winery.

If the ass was still here—the donkey, not Billy Bob—Buffi could just deal with it in the morning.

To be continued...Chapter Eight

If you enjoyed this chapter of The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies, please be sure and join us again next Thursday for the next exciting installment.

You can read more about the serial HERE. And be sure to enter our contest! Rules and information can be found HERE.


Drea Becraft said...

Oh man I see trouble for these two in the future. And i can't wait to read every dirty detail!

Sherry said...

Chasity is really getting on my nerves Rock needs to have her hit the road. I can't believe he gave her the diamonds.

jeanette8042 said...

Another nice chapter and Chastity's thoughts and what she says are pretty hilarious, like Gooble!

Dino Rubio said...

oh Chastity, I will be happy when Rock is with Buffi!

Debra St. John said...

Diamonds with a t-shirt and shorts. Too funny.

Lovin' the 'steely pole of passion'.

Can't wait for next week.

elaing8 said...

Great chapter.
Calling Buffi a slut,now that's the pot calling the kettle
Chastity sure is a piece of work.

gigis said...

Shot of tequila before my boob job
rent a burro

Love this story.


Kelly Jamieson said...

I'm becoming quite fond of Chastity *g*

PG Forte said...

I'm becoming fond of those rent-a-burros. lol!

Zina said...

Could Billy Bob accidently kill Chastity??? and put her out of my just kidding, she had me cracking up maybe he could just shoot her in the foot. Thanks I was laughting alot today.

Fiona said...

"You're all that and a bottle of Bud"...gosh, that Billy Bob Bobson REALLY knows how to sweet talk a gal! At least one whose "ass" has a higher IQ than she does! I hope they try to "do the nasty" in the mini Cooper!

Danielle said...

Oh my! LOL. That was so funny. Nice job Erin. Raging rod of lust...That is hilarious! Maybe Chastity will leave Rock alone, bang Billy and realize he is the type of lover who gifts women with multi-orgasms and showers them with money. I am assuming here with some of her clues that Chastity has no idea that Rock is a vampire...because the whole "no eating meat" and "the deal with the bats" lol. What a ditz! And I so agree with elaing8 about the pot and kettle. Cannot wait to read more!

Denise said...

Another Hysterical Chapter. I almost choked on my tea over Billy Bob's "pulsing rod of desire" or was it a "steely pole of passion?" Chastity's plan to Gobble the internet almost made me miss the "raging rod of lust." FOF LMAO!

Denise Golinowski

*yadkny* said...

Billy Bob Bobson and Chastity Feelsgood are a perfect match for eachother:)

idalia.lopez.845 said...

Love the chapters that are up and cant wait for the next chapter tomorrow.

Cassandra said...

There is trouble ahead with Bob and Chas scheming. Hope to read more soon.

Susan said...

so funny, another awesome chapter. Okay, when in doubt… distract. What a perfect motto, going have to give that a try. Steely pole of passion. Raging rod of lust. Indeed.

Cammie said...

Steely pole of passion *snort* If only Chastity and Billy Bob were a smidge brighter they would realise they were perfect for each other. I refer to their mutual bat phobia, of course

Amy S. said...

Sounds great!