Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies - Chapter 8

Rock Fangsworthy was a man of action—gruff, manly actions like boldly striding across rooms and menacingly narrowing his slate-blue eyes. So when he needed to work something out, such as why he couldn’t forget the hurt look in Buffi’s bluebonnet orbs no matter how hard he clenched his jaw—or other stuff like how much his dentist scolded him about that habit—he liked to do it during a long, hard, sweaty ride.
Chastity would probably volunteer, but right now he’d rather lick tar.
Chastity just wasn’t doing it for him anymore, not since Buffi van Pelt had walked back into his life. Which was exactly what he had to figure out.
What he really needed was to thunder dramatically across his fields on the back of his horse, Monk.
He dug his diamond tipped spurs into Monk’s side. The horse yelped and refused to budge. Rock sighed. Ever since the gelding, Monk had been impossible to live with. Maybe a little sweet talk would work. He ran his palm along the animal’s neck and searched for the right words. “It’s just you and me, Monk. And a bag of sugar makes three. Now how about a gallop so I can get this dagblasted woman out of my mind?”
Monk’s sudden burst of speed nearly sent Rock tumbling backwards into the tumbleweed. The two of them flew across the countryside like a Texas brushfire. Finally, he could think. What was it about Buffi van Pelt? How had he let a shapeshifting Barbie doll get under his cold dead skin? Why couldn’t he just be happy with the Barbie doll waiting at his ranch, the one who didn’t turn into a hairy beast and gnaw on bloody hunks of meat?
Feeling faint at the thought of blood, he gripped his powerful thighs tighter around Monk’s flanks. The horse whimpered, but Rock figured there was a good chance it was from pleasure. He threaded his fingers through Monk’s flowing mane. With the wind on his face, Rock barely noticed the cattle stampeding out of their way or the shouts from Remington-brandishing farmers, or the surprised peep of a baby thrush suddenly without a nest. With horse and vampire moving as one, peace finally descended on the non-existent soul of Rock Fangsworthy.
He knew what he had to do.
In the deserted lounge of the Bloodsuck B&B, Chastity snuggled in the warm, cozy lap of Billy Bob Bobson while he poked at keys on the inn’s computer. She could get used to this, the way she could get used to a featherbed she could wrap around her little finger.
Or whatever.
She leaned over to click a random key on the computer and rubbed her triple D’s against his arm.
“Oh, baby,” Billy Bob groaned. “You’re so hot, you blow my top.”
“You have such a way with words, BB, that turns me on.” She wriggled her white-denim covered hip against his turgid love rod and tickled his ear with her tongue. “You’re like some kind of poet.”
“Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby baby baby…” He moaned.
Okay, maybe it rhymed, but would it kill him to throw in some more “hots” and maybe a “sexy” or a “fucking gorgeous?” She leaned in and tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth.
His eyes bugged open and his face turned pink. The color of manly lust.
She sighed blissfully. There was nothing in the world like having power over a male. When you had a man, even a pathetic one like Billy Bob, under your thumb, you could make him do whatever you wanted. Hand over his gold watch? Coming right up. Kill Buffi van Pelt? Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy.
“Now,” she breathed, sliding her tongue along his upper lip. “Enough boring research, don’t you think?”
“Eee…” He squeaked. He probably wanted to say something stupid like he was just getting started when she’d punched the wrong key and turned the computer off, but she bit his lip before he could finish. Then she ran her tongue down his cheek to the tip of his jawbone. This was a special sex trick she’d learned in middle school.
She nipped at the tender spot at the back of his jaw, right at the juncture of his neck, the same spot that made most men quiver and beg to give her more diamonds. But Billy Bob Bobson had a very strange reaction.
He screamed and dumped her onto the floor, which was covered by a crocheted rug that didn’t cushion her ass at all.
Not only that, he held a wooden stick in front of him. It looked like a cross, but it was shaking so much it might be an X.
“Is that a cross? Because if it is, I’m already saved,” she said crossly, wincing at the brand new bruise on her perfect rear end.
“Stay back. You’re one of them, aren’t you? You lured me in here with your gigantic boobs and your short shorts…”
She smiled. Finally some more poetry out of Billy Bob. “Why, thank you.”
“It was all part of a diabolical plot, wasn’t it?”
Now he’d lost her. “Excuse me?”
“Come on, show ‘em to me.” He bared his teeth, one of which had a gold filling. Was that supposed to be sexy? Well, maybe it kinda was. Gold always turned her on.
“Rawr,” she purred, arching her back and curling her legs under her like Marilyn Monroe.
“Do it.” He clicked his teeth together as if that was supposed to mean something to her. “Whip ‘em out. Give me an eyeful of those puppies. Make me cry like a baby. Scare me. Make me beg for mercy.”
Okay, this dude was seriously twisted. Just the way she liked them. Whip ‘em out? Consider it done. She brought her hands to the bottom of her T-shirt. Man, was it tight. She wiggled her torso to inch the shirt over her enormous bazongas. Damn doctors hadn’t warned her about this. Sucking in her tummy, she yanked hard.
“Ow!” Her boobs popped free, but now her T-shirt covered her face, and her arms were all tangled up inside. She couldn’t even see Billy Bob’s drooling face. What a rip!
“What the hell is going on here?” Rock’s gravelly voice interrupted.
Oh, fudge. Chastity struggled to free herself from the clinging fabric. “It’s not what it looks like!”
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you. The Rent-a-Burro guy said the Tastee Freeze girl said her sister-in-law saw you come in here with him. And to think I was going to give you this.”
Chastity tore her T-shirt in two and blinked at the sight before her. Rock, his jaw bulging, his vein pumping, held out one of his diamond spurs.
“I was about to propose.”
“With that?”
“It’s a diamond, isn’t it? I thought you’d appreciate my impulsive spontaneity. I guess I don’t know you at all, do I?”
She scrambled on her knees toward him. “That’s not true, you do know me, I’m not that complicated, you know me blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back, I’m easy, come on, Rock baby…”
But then Billy Bob shoved that wooden thing in her face again. “Stay back, vamp. I don’t want any funny business.”
She swatted the stick away, so it swung toward Rock. He took a step back, then another. His lip curled and two of his teeth grew into hard, white, curved…well, fangs.
“I have to go tend to my horse,” he said, his voice sounding kind of weak and sickly. “You both better be gone when I get back. Or else.” Ending on a quiver, he wheeled around and strode out of the room, his one remaining spur winking in the lamplight. How many carats were in those spurs, anyway?
“Okay, buster.” Chastity got to her feet, snatched the cross out of Billy Bob’s hand, and stuck her bare boobs in his face. She wasn’t worried about getting Rock back. Easy peasy. But she definitely had to get to the bottom of one thing. “Why is Rock wearing fake fangs?”
Billy Bob couldn’t tear his eyes off her boobs. “Not fake…”
He couldn’t possibly be referring to her cha-chas. “Not fake? You mean…” she gasped. “Real? Does that mean?” She gasped again, scrunching her eyebrows together to work it all out. Was the man who was so close to proposing she could practically taste the wedding cake … could he possibly be … A zillionaire cowboy vampire?
To be continued...Chapter Nine

If you enjoyed this chapter of The Zillionaire Vampire Cowboy's Secret Werewolf Babies, please be sure and join us again next Thursday for the next exciting installment.

You can read more about the serial HERE. And be sure to enter our contest! Rules and information can be found HERE.


Maria said...

Interesting installment- sure can't figure Rock out...

Sherry said...

Chasity and Billy Bob make a great couple because neither on of them are very smart.I can't believe that when Rock finished thinking he decided to ask Chasity to marry him. I can't wait to see what happens next week.

Denise said...

Another hilarious installment. Monk's post-gelding mood swings, Rock's testosterone stupidity and Chastity and Billy Bob's lackwit exchanges were wonderful. You continue to serve up new ways to beat the tropes into submissions. I'm lovin' it!

Denise Golinowski

elaing8 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
elaing8 said...

Chastity and BB are made for each I'm glad Rock caught them together.Looking forward to next week.

Tamera Lynn said...

OMG, this series so rocks. Every one of you is such a talented writer, and you continue to throw me for a loop with every installment!

Kelly Jamieson said...

Denise - Love that: "Beat the tropes into submission"!!!
Thanks for the comments everyone!

Debra St. John said...

Yea for Thursdays!

Another fabulous chapter...and I'll never think about the color pink again...the color of a man's lust indeed!

jeanette8042 said...

Thank god Rock didn't actually propose and thanks for another great chapter!

*yadkny* said...

You Naughty Nine have such a way with words:)

And why the hell was Rock about to propose!?! Thank goodness he didn't but still!

Until next time...

Boone Brux said...

You used so many of my favorite words- turgid love rod, bazongas, and licking tar.:) That was a great laugh first thing in the morning.

Zina said...

Damn and there I thought he was going to go back and ravish Buffy not propose to Chasity. I love Monk, just gotta give him a little sugar.

gigis said...

I don't think Rock knows what he wants...but maybe the rent-a-burro guy or the taste freeze gurk ciykd hekp him

Anonymous said...

This just reaches new heights of hilarity with every episode. Monk rocks, does he have a pink saddle?

Fiona said...

I love the little details, like Chastity being unable to get her shirt over her head because it's so tight and her fake "cha-chas" are so huge, though lop-sided due to the doctor's tequila imbibing before he did the surgery! I've been laughing through every chapter. Even if I don't win anything, the laughs alone are worth the visit every week! Thanks!

Danielle said...

Oh my goodness!! Another fantastic chapter. I still get a kick out of the "rent-a-burro". Chastity is so ditzy lol. I love it. Thank you for the wonderful read.

Dino Rubio said...

I loved it. Can't wait to read the next one, which should be right now because I have kind of fallen behind. lol

Cindy said...

Love the characters!! Glad I found this story!

Cassandra R said...

Yes! Chastity got caught red handed before Rock. Chastity and Billy Bobson's love scenes are super sexy! I kept thinking about them together closely a long time. Chas&Bob and Buffi&Rock. I agree with other readers you girls have a way with words.

Susan said...

Another rockin chapter. Chastity is so funny and Monk is just perfect.

Cammie said...

Clearly Monk is the brightest out of the bunch. Poor Chastity is a boob in more ways than two. Loved Billy Bob shaking so hard his cross became an X. Hehehe. I can't believe Rock was going to give Chastity one of his spurs. Rushing to the next excert..

Amy S. said...

I'm glad Chasity didn't get the diamond she was wanting. lol