Monday, March 12, 2012

Blonde moments

I'm not exactly a blonde, although my hair has been called strawberry blonde. Now it's a little darker red, although truthfully my natural colour is...grey. Ha! But I've had my share of blonde moments - like the time I had to pack up everything in my office to move, and when I went to unpack realized I had packed the scissors I needed in one of the well taped-up boxes. The other day at work I walked around all day with the zipper of my dress half undone. Luckily I had a cardigan over it, but I did take it off for  a while and couldn't for the life of me remember if I'd left my office like that. Or how about last fall when I went to Seattle...when I got off the plane I went to find the baggage claim. I followed the signs, took an escalator down and got on a train. I checked the signs for which airline was at which stop, thought I found the one I needed, got off there and took an escalator back up - right to the gate where I'd just gotten off the plane. I rode that damn train in a circle and got off right where I started. *sigh*

Here's a whopper of a blonde moment:

I like a good blonde joke, which is all in good fun, since I consider myself blondish. This is my favourite :

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."


And I like this one because blondes aren't really stupid:

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you," puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Got any blonde moments of your own??


PG Forte said...

currently, my entire life is a blonde moment...or one after another, perhaps. I just want to come to your defense on the Seattle thing. Those baggage claim signs were insanely misleading. I think everyone got lost. I know I did! And I saw several other authors (whose names I won't mention for fear of embarrassing them) wandering aimlessly around the airport as well. They weren't all blondes, either. :p

Kelly Jamieson said...

Thanks for sticking up for me PG, LOL! Maybe I wasn't the only one who got lost. More and more I wonder if I should be calling these "senior moments"...nah.

Sydney Somers said...

Loved the jokes, Kelly. My blonde moments are numerous lately. This past New Years we were picking up lobster and I looked at the packaged ones already wrapped in cellophane and said, "These are the cooked ones?" Not my most intelligent moment. :)

Kinsey Holley said...

I was varying shades of blonde off and on for most of my life I was blonde when I met Hub (he's always had a thing for blondes.) I've been varying shades of auburn brown for a few years now, but it's done nothing to reduce the frequency of my blonde moments. (I also had a breast reduction about 7 years ago.)

Hub's worn a close-cropped beard since he got out of high school, and I'm very fond of it. Without the beard and mustache, he doesn't look like himself. Every once in a while he'll shave most of it off and then grow it back. Last time he did this, he was basically clean shaven for a while. So one I said (nicely, I swear) "'re gonna grow the beard back, right? I love the stubbly beard."

And he replied, "All I know is, I married a blonde with big tits."