This all sounds like Abby toyed with Abby’s nipples
Gotta watch the “her” and “she’s” when writing sex scenes with two women.
Didn’t Melina get a Brazilian for him?
Your womb is your uterus…I’m thinking it’s her vagina that is?
If she’s kissing his nipples, she wouldn’t really be lying on his chest, but leaning over him.
Is he wearing a condom?
If she’s on her tummy, how can any arousal be trailing to her anus? Wouldn’t that be going against gravity?
Just checking… deliberately no condom this time, or did he just forget?
The way this is phrased, it’s not clear whether it’s her mouth or his cock that’s “hot and velvet, hard and pulsing”
Dangler – reads as though she is hot, hard and throbbing
If she’s on the bottom, why would she need to lift her head?
This reads as if her neck is sitting beside her on his couch.
Um…no lube? She’s an anal virgin and he knows it.
Since you just used “womb” about what about “pussy” or “cunt”?
What about cross contamination. As a doc, he’d know not to put his mouth on her again after it has been on/in her anus.
Did it (his cock) soften from beforehand?
Is this anal or vaginal?
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8 comments:
OMG, this is one of the funniest posts I've read in a while.
Reminds me of when I nearly turned my hero into a homicidal maniac.
I was writing a scene where the hero poured massage oil over the heroine--starting with her neck and working his way down her body. Only the way I'd (originally) phrased it he started off pouring it down her throat, which led my CP to inquire as to why he was suddenly trying to kill her?
Ah, good times. LMAO
ROFL Kelly. Thanks for the dose of humor. Maybe this should be a new NNN trend--best editor comments!
And don't forget the commas. Not that anybody will notice, give what else is going on!
Love it!
Glad it was amusing! One of my editors told me absolutely nothing embarrasses her any more so not to worry about the nature of our "discussions".
I've already decided that if anyone at my church or Diva's school find out what I write, I'll point to you and say "Hey! My stuff's not really that dirty!"
Who am I kdding. Baptists might read about oral sex when no one's around, but that doesn't mean they want the writer teaching their kids in Sunday School.
LOL Kinsey-- you and me both!
You can't read this kind of post just anywhere (I'm proud to say!! *G*)
Erin
Oh, these questions are fun!
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