Wednesday, August 24, 2011

More Embarrassing Editor Comments!

It’s time for more embarrassing editor comments!

By carlapryor Photobucket
Since I just finished edits on my next Samhain release One Wicked Night (out October 25) I have some fresh new ones to add to my list! I had some definite blushing moments while editing this one! Some of these I blogged about before, but some of you may not have seen them.

When I started writing erotic romance I wasn’t prepared for the “intimate” nature of the editorial comments. But I’m always grateful for my editors’ input because they make the book so much better!

Back on page 60 he still had underwear on, and there’s been no update on that. Is he stroking through the fabric?

Again, there has been no update to the guys being on the bed in their undies (p60), so for this to be possible, you need to work in about him (and possibly Nick) taking off those boxers.

Considering that so far there’s been no anal sex, and the guys have both worn condoms, what’s to wash?

First up, a woman snaking her hand down to take care of herself when she's the meat in a very hot man-sandwich throws me right out of the scene and I wonder if the guys really have a clue what they're doing. Secondly, I’m always amazed when I see this in a story, that a hand can not only fit in the middle of that crush of bodies/groins, but that the woman can move her hand/finger once it’s there. If you decide you want to remove it, but feel she still needs the stimulation, her nipples are right near Nick’s mouth ;-) I also guess that I’m amazed that if two hot, sexy and horny guys can’t do something in this position to get her off, then what’s the point? ;-)

Dangler -  sounds like her gaze is speaking to both of them.

Um…no lube? She’s an anal virgin and he knows it. Is he trying to deliberately freak her out?

Since you just used “womb” about what about “Pussy” or “cunt”?

What about cross contamination. As a doc, he’d know not to put his mouth on her again after it has been on/in her anus.

Did it (his cock) soften from beforehand?

When did his finger enter her? Above he’s playing with her breasts with both hands.

This all sounds like Abby toyed with Abby’s nipples

This can’t be correct if she has hair there as you said above.

Gotta watch the  “her” and “she’s” when writing sex scenes with two women.

Didn’t Melina get a Brazilian for him?

Your womb is your uterus…I’m thinking it’s her vagina that is?

If she’s kissing his nipples, she wouldn’t really be lying on his chest, but leaning over him.

Is he wearing a condom?

If she’s on her tummy, how can any arousal be trailing to her anus? Wouldn’t that be going against gravity?

Just checking… deliberately no condom this time, or did he just forget?

The way this is phrased, it’s not clear whether it’s her mouth or his cock that’s “hot and velvet, hard and pulsing”

Dangler – reads as though she is hot, hard and throbbing

If she’s on the bottom, why would she need to lift her head?

This reads as if her neck is sitting beside her on his couch.

Is this anal or vaginal?


daydrmzzz said...

OMG I LOVE IT!! Happy Editing Kelly :D I SOOO can't wait to read this one now. xoxox

Meg Benjamin said...

Well, gee, this was interesting to read with my morning coffee (which fortunately didn't get spit all over the keyboard, but only just)!

D. F. Krieger said...

LOL, thanks for the pick me up today. That made me giggle. Glad you can be such a good sport about it!

Juniper Bell said...

OMG, I am dying here!!! Too too funny. And that photo is great.

PG Forte said...

Okay, I'm really having an issue with this one:

"If she’s on the bottom, why would she need to lift her head?"

Isn't "on the bottom" exactly when you would need to lift your head? You certainly wouldn't need to lift your head if you were on top.

Can't wait to read this one again and figure out what I've missed/forgotten. ;)

Shoshanna Evers said...

LOL I started writing some of my favorite editor lines but had to delete them out of sheer embarrassment, LOL

Kelly Jamieson said...

Glad you're all enjoying these!! And these don't even include the embarrassing ones like "when he left he was wearing a T-shirt and now he has a buttoned shirt".

PG you have a point there, but I can't even remember which book that's from to look at in context.

Cristal Ryder said...

This is great! You've inspired me to start making a list of my own :)

Kelly Jamieson said...

Hope you'll share those Cristal!!

Erin Nicholas said...

I'm completely and totally scadalized!

Actually I'm laughing my butt off!