Monday, March 5, 2012

Steamed


I love the Nine Naughty Novelists! A group blog who gets into as much trouble together as The Smutketeers do. (and when you get the two groups in one room-say for RT 2012 Cover Model Karaoke?—look out)

I hear PG and Kinsey will be talking about steampunk sex toys. I’ll definitely be around to join that discussion. In my new Berkley book Geared for Pleasure, I have a few interesting rooms and devices designed for that kind of…fun.  And in the next book in the series? It gets even wilder *wink*

Thank you wonderful ladies for joining in my Geared for Pleasure Countdown Party/Scavenger Hunt today!  Be sure to post a comment here for the chance to win a $10 Amazon or B&N gift card and come back to the Smutketeers for a chance at the grand prize!



In case you didn’t know, PG Forte (rhymes with foreplay) recently had a steampunk novella published with Carina Press as part of their Clockwork Christmas anthology. (It’s very good – and we’re not just saying that, seriously. We’ve read it, and it’s good.)
And Kinsey is (according to her, anyway) working on a steampunk novel that really won’t suck, if she ever manages to finish it—which isn’t a bet any self-respecting bookie would take right now.
So when RG asked us if we’d like to spend a day talking about steampunk, we were all Sure! We love steampunk!
Then we went, “Wait. What are we gonna talk about?”
Then we went, “Oh, of course – sex toys!”
Then it got…weird.
Kinsey: I keep thinking of speculums - actually I think it's specula, in the plural. Steampunk stuff has a tendency to open, unfold, unwind, enlarge, pop out, etc., right? I keep thinking of that happening internally, with all the attendant whirring and clicking and snapping, and it doesn't make me hot.  In fact, it sounds worse than Amish (i.e., wooden) sex toys.
PG: You just had to mention the Amish thing, didn’t you? I still want us all to write that Amish-erotica, Paranormal Sheep-shifter serial story.  I don’t know why no one likes that idea. 
Kelly: How about steam-powered anal plugs?
Kinsey: Oh hell, here we go with the buttsecks again...
Kelly: Okay, okay, maybe not steam-driven - that could be painful. And dangerous. And not in the good way. So maybe clockwork? No - windup! Windup anal plugs! See, you insert and--
Kinsey: Lalalalalalal I can't hear you!
Erin: Clockwork nipple clamps?
Kinsey and Kelly, together: Ooooh...now that might work


PG: Hey look! A steampunk vibrator!
Syd:  Oh. Um, yeesh.
Kinsey: Reminds me of a vibrator Hubs showed me – belonged to his grandmother, from her second husband. Looked like something Frankenstein would’ve used to reanimate the corpses – had, like, actual electrical wires that you touched together to produce a spark or something. Talk about yeesh…
PG: Actually, the earliest vibrators were steam-powered—back when sexual arousal in women was deemed a disease: http://www.null-hypothesis.co.uk/science/straight-talking//history_of_vibrator_orgasm_female  I love research.
Kinsey: Speaking of which, has anyone seen Hysteria yet?
Kate: Didn’t General Hospital do a steampunk fantasy sequence once?
Meg: Where’s the wine?
Syd:  How about clockwork? But then, clockwork implies gears, and gears sound as painful as steam, if you've got a particularly visual imagination, as I do.
PG: Yeah, I'm so with you there--ouch!  But if the gears were enclosed? Like for instance, clockwork Ben-Wa Balls. 
Kelly: Amish Ben-Wa Balls! No, wait…splinters.
[Everyone shudders.]
PG: Actually, if you crossed Ben-Wa Balls with an alarm clock, so they could be set to go off at a particular time…I could so get into something like that—for a story, of course! LOL!  Or, you know --- maybe a wind-up vibrator?  
Kinsey: Wind up vibrators sound awesome!! Hey, did I ever tell y’all about the time Diva was doing her homework in my bed while I wrote, and she lost her pencil, and wanted to look for it in the space between the mattress and the bedboard on my side? And I said no, I’ll look for it? And she insisted, and started sticking her hand down in that space, and I knocked her hand away and she put it back, and was getting all upset that I wouldn’t let her look, and then we heard this rattling kind of sound, and she looked at me and said “What was that?” and in a moment of sheer, panicked genius I said “I farted,” and she said “Mom!!!!” and died laughing, and that’s why I longer leave my little bullet vibrator in that spot? It’s not steam powered or clockwork, though. Just regular batteries.
[Silence.]
Meg: All right, now we all need wine. Where’s the fucking wine?
Kelly: The Merlot?
Meg: Yes.
Kelly: I drank it.
Meg: Die, bitch.
Juniper: What are y’all talking about?
Everyone (but Meg, who left to get more wine): Steampunk sex toys!
Juniper: Ooh, fun…let’s see. Clockwork cock rings? How about a steam powered orgasm machine, like that thing Duran Duran put Barbarella in?
Syd: I haven’t seen Barberella in forever.  Who’s got Netflix?
PG: What's this nonsense about our being out of wine? Y'all know I'd never let that happen. But never mind about that. Have you all read the blurb for RG's new book yet? It sounds awesome! Take a look:
Geared for Pleasure:


The world of Theorrey runs like a well-oiled machine. The
elements are in balance, passion is tamed and the young queen
is the heartbeat of it all. But in these two all-new stories of
elemental steam, nothing is ever as it seems…


Earthly Desires
Demeter “Dare” Senedal is the Queen’s Chalice-her protector and closest companion. So when the queen goes missing, Dare rushes to locate her, even though the search leads her straight into trouble.

A gentleman who trades in secrets and sin, Bodhan revels in carnal delights, but when a naked and bound woman appears on his shore, he finds his hunger to possess at odds with his need to protect. As Bodhan shares his knowledge of pleasure, Dare must decide if she can trust him, both with her mission and her heart.

Fiery Temptations
Seraphina always lands on her feet. After all, she is a Felidae-more feline than human-and an excellent thief. There has never been a job Phina wouldn’t take or a man who could tame her…until she meets Cyrus Arendal.

As the Queen’s Sword, Cyrus should have known better than to fall victim to a beautiful bandit. Now, to find and retrieve the moonfire dagger, he’ll need to convince Phina not to judge a man by his station, but rather by how completely he can satisfy her desires.

Buy it now at:



43 comments:

flchen1 said...

ROFL! You all are always a delight, and no less so when discussing steampunky sex toys! ;) Who knew that gadgets could be so entirely engrossing? :D

Carol L. said...

lol Kinsey, the homework scenario has me ROFL. Your all crazy. lol lol Love the post.Thanks for all the info on the Steam Punk sex toys. Who Knew. lol
Carol L
Lucky4750 (at) aol (dot) com

Jean P said...

I laughed when I was reading this post and my coffee went all over the keyboard, it was worth the mess, loved this post.
Jean
skpetal at hotmail dot com

Rachel F. said...

So excited to read this!

menina.iscrazy said...

LOL Y'all are so funny. I'm so glad I decided not to get anything to drink 'cause it would have been all over the place. ;) Thanks for the giveaway.

menina.iscrazy @yahoo.com

mcv said...

Thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning! I'm still trying to wake up - out of caffeinated coffee.
mcv111 at hotmail(dot)com

Connie said...

I just choked on my coffee, ROFL! Great post, thanks for the giveaway. scoobeee3 at aol com

Lisa said...

ROFLMAO My MIL walked in while I was reading this. Pushed the minimize button just in time. Whew. Awsome post!

wolphcall(at)bellsouth(dot)net

cheralyn said...

I enjoyed your post,very funny! Thanks for the giveaway. cheryllynne(at)rocketmail(dot)com

Michelle Bledsoe said...

OMG you ladies are the bomb. I have laughed so hard at this post that my dog is whining because of it. Poor dog...
Thanks for starting off my week with laughter.
koonie2888 at yahoo dot com

RG Alexander/Rachel Grace said...

There is a reason why you're all some of my favorite people :)
Any of that wine left? lol

Thank you for being a part of The Smutketeers Scavenger Hunt!

Jennifer Mathis said...

lmao that was great

meandi09@yahoo.com

Kaylyn D. said...

LMAO Thank you for the laughs. I needed it!
kaylyndavis1986@yahoo.com

Jessie M said...

Lmao! This group is hilarious! This is my first time here and I will definitely be back...with wine!

Shadow said...

lol Great post! Thanks for sharing!
shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com

smiles said...

Love the blog hop... find something new everyday.

shelly
shelly@ledgetoplogistics.com

melissa cahall said...

this is fun

Ursula said...

OMgosh! I am ROFLMAO. That was a very enlightening discussion! You guys are great!

umavery@gmail.com

Bobbie B said...

LOL Thanks for being a part of the hop!

StacieD said...

I haven't read a steampunk romance yet. I have to say that your steampunk sex toy discussion definitely makes me want to give your story a try! LOL

geishasmom73 AT yahoo DOT com

joye said...

just checking in to see what is new and to enter the blog hop

Sue Sattler said...

LMAO! The part about the Ben-Wa balls brought back memories. I told my friend we needed to go get some and she thought they were a brand of underwear!! I had so much fun educating her about sex toys! Hey what are best friends for?
proudarmymom32(at)yahoo(dot)com

elaing8 said...

LMAO..Loved reading this.
elaing8(at)netscape(dot)net

Taryn said...

Holy crap! What a hysterically funny interview!

Cathy M said...

You gals always get me laughing, thanks for this fabulous post.


caity_mack at yahoo dot com

Lucy Francis said...

Amish Ben-wa balls and clockwork sex toys...OMG, and the imagination goes wild!

kissybooks at yahoo dot com

Ashley Applebee said...

Now THAT was a HILARIOUS post!! Thanks for that!! I needed an good laugh today!
Ashley A
ash_app@hotmail.com

Vicky said...

Great post :-)

Brandi Slater said...

LMAO The homework scene was hilarious! I would've died from nerves/panic!! Can't wait to read the book and thanks for the giveaway!

mbourn said...

Great post!! Steampunk sex toys?!? I am so far behind. I need to get with the program. Just discovered steampunk...I think I like it here!!
Mel

Vanessa N. said...

Great post. Love the scavenger hunt.

mythic021@gmail.com

JoAnna said...

That was funny! Thanks for the laugh!

beckerjo at verizon dot net

Catherine Lee said...

Sex toys and Steampunk sounds like an interesting combination! Thanks for the stimulating post.

There was a great party for this this afternoon.

catherinelee100 at gmail dot com

Anonymous said...

You guys are great, I've never heard of Amish sex toys. I say go ahead and write that story.
Z
SeawitchReviews @ yahoo .com

Suzanne said...

I love toys that work, but that was funny. Enjoying visiting the different sites

SheriV said...

Oh my the way your minds works is awe inspiring and frightening all at once. :)

SheriV
smurfettev AT gmail DOT com

Anonymous said...

Great Post. I have to come around more often.

DanaM

Julianne said...

This is the first time I've been to your blog. Where have I been? I know right! I just climbed out from under my rock. Geared For Pleasure looks like a fantastic read. I sooo wanna read it. Scavenger hunts are so fun.
luvfuzzzeeefaces at yahoo dot com

Kim B said...

Ah...I'm not sure I'm ready for Chicago...Naw, I'm ready!

Kinsey Holley said...

RG: I love that cover...

Elf2060 said...

Wow! Quite a post. Thanks for being part of the scavenger hunt.

sienny said...

i'm here!!!! and hope i'm not too late yet. go scavanging!

smile_1773@yahoo.com

daydrmzzz said...

You ladies are nuts!! One of the reasons I love ya all so much and I love the wind up ideas ;) I also can't wait to see the conversation continue at the Bar at RT ;)