I love the Nine Naughty Novelists! A group blog who gets into as much trouble together as The Smutketeers do. (and when you get the two groups in one room-say for RT 2012 Cover Model Karaoke?—look out)
I hear PG and Kinsey will be talking about steampunk sex toys. I’ll definitely be around to join that discussion. In my new Berkley book Geared for Pleasure, I have a few interesting rooms and devices designed for that kind of…fun. And in the next book in the series? It gets even wilder *wink*
Thank you wonderful ladies for joining in my Geared for Pleasure Countdown Party/Scavenger Hunt today! Be sure to post a comment here for the chance to win a $10 Amazon or B&N gift card and come back to the Smutketeers for a chance at the grand prize!
In case you didn’t know, PG Forte (rhymes with foreplay) recently had a steampunk novella published with Carina Press as part of their Clockwork Christmas anthology. (It’s very good – and we’re not just saying that, seriously. We’ve read it, and it’s good.)
And Kinsey is (according to her, anyway) working on a steampunk novel that really won’t suck, if she ever manages to finish it—which isn’t a bet any self-respecting bookie would take right now.
So when RG asked us if we’d like to spend a day talking about steampunk, we were all Sure! We love steampunk!
Then we went, “Wait. What are we gonna talk about?”
Then we went, “Oh, of course – sex toys!”
Then it got…weird.
Kinsey: I keep thinking of speculums - actually I think it's specula, in the plural. Steampunk stuff has a tendency to open, unfold, unwind, enlarge, pop out, etc., right? I keep thinking of that happening internally, with all the attendant whirring and clicking and snapping, and it doesn't make me hot. In fact, it sounds worse than Amish (i.e., wooden) sex toys.
PG: You just had to mention the Amish thing, didn’t you? I still want us all to write that Amish-erotica, Paranormal Sheep-shifter serial story. I don’t know why no one likes that idea.
Kelly: How about steam-powered anal plugs?
Kinsey: Oh hell, here we go with the buttsecks again...
Kelly: Okay, okay, maybe not steam-driven - that could be painful. And dangerous. And not in the good way. So maybe clockwork? No - windup! Windup anal plugs! See, you insert and--
Kinsey: Lalalalalalal I can't hear you!
Erin: Clockwork nipple clamps?
Kinsey and Kelly, together: Ooooh...now that might work
Syd: Oh. Um, yeesh.
Kinsey: Reminds me of a vibrator Hubs showed me – belonged to his grandmother, from her second husband. Looked like something Frankenstein would’ve used to reanimate the corpses – had, like, actual electrical wires that you touched together to produce a spark or something. Talk about yeesh…
PG: Actually, the earliest vibrators were steam-powered—back when sexual arousal in women was deemed a disease: http://www.null-hypothesis.co.uk/science/straight-talking//history_of_vibrator_orgasm_female I love research.
Kinsey: Speaking of which, has anyone seen Hysteria yet?
Kate: Didn’t General Hospital do a steampunk fantasy sequence once?
Meg: Where’s the wine?
Syd: How about clockwork? But then, clockwork implies gears, and gears sound as painful as steam, if you've got a particularly visual imagination, as I do.
PG: Yeah, I'm so with you there--ouch! But if the gears were enclosed? Like for instance, clockwork Ben-Wa Balls.
Kelly: Amish Ben-Wa Balls! No, wait…splinters.
PG: Actually, if you crossed Ben-Wa Balls with an alarm clock, so they could be set to go off at a particular time…I could so get into something like that—for a story, of course! LOL! Or, you know --- maybe a wind-up vibrator?
Kinsey: Wind up vibrators sound awesome!! Hey, did I ever tell y’all about the time Diva was doing her homework in my bed while I wrote, and she lost her pencil, and wanted to look for it in the space between the mattress and the bedboard on my side? And I said no, I’ll look for it? And she insisted, and started sticking her hand down in that space, and I knocked her hand away and she put it back, and was getting all upset that I wouldn’t let her look, and then we heard this rattling kind of sound, and she looked at me and said “What was that?” and in a moment of sheer, panicked genius I said “I farted,” and she said “Mom!!!!” and died laughing, and that’s why I longer leave my little bullet vibrator in that spot? It’s not steam powered or clockwork, though. Just regular batteries.
Meg: All right, now we all need wine. Where’s the fucking wine?
Kelly: The Merlot?
Kelly: I drank it.
Meg: Die, bitch.
Juniper: What are y’all talking about?
Everyone (but Meg, who left to get more wine): Steampunk sex toys!
Juniper: Ooh, fun…let’s see. Clockwork cock rings? How about a steam powered orgasm machine, like that thing Duran Duran put Barbarella in?
PG: What's this nonsense about our being out of wine? Y'all know I'd never let that happen. But never mind about that. Have you all read the blurb for RG's new book yet? It sounds awesome! Take a look:
Geared for Pleasure:
The world of Theorrey runs like a well-oiled machine. The
elements are in balance, passion is tamed and the young queen
is the heartbeat of it all. But in these two all-new stories of
elemental steam, nothing is ever as it seems…
Demeter “Dare” Senedal is the Queen’s Chalice-her protector and closest companion. So when the queen goes missing, Dare rushes to locate her, even though the search leads her straight into trouble.
A gentleman who trades in secrets and sin, Bodhan revels in carnal delights, but when a naked and bound woman appears on his shore, he finds his hunger to possess at odds with his need to protect. As Bodhan shares his knowledge of pleasure, Dare must decide if she can trust him, both with her mission and her heart.
Seraphina always lands on her feet. After all, she is a Felidae-more feline than human-and an excellent thief. There has never been a job Phina wouldn’t take or a man who could tame her…until she meets Cyrus Arendal.
As the Queen’s Sword, Cyrus should have known better than to fall victim to a beautiful bandit. Now, to find and retrieve the moonfire dagger, he’ll need to convince Phina not to judge a man by his station, but rather by how completely he can satisfy her desires.
Buy it now at:
Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble