Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Guest Blogger Lily Harlem - Menage a Trois

I’ve been pondering on the popularity of ménage novels lately. The theme of three people together has always been popular in fiction, many esteemed writers such as Ernest Hemingway (The Garden of Eden) and Dylan Thomas (Under Milk Wood) wrote about relationships when a third person was introduced and the subject has not waned over the years. I’m certainly guilty of adding to the pile J YAY! But what is it about this particular sub-genre which is so alluring to readers and authors?
Ménage à trois, a French term, originally described a domestic arrangement in which three people having sexual relations occupy the same household – the phrase literally translates as "household of three". In contemporary usage, it has also been extended to refer to the actual sexual act between three people.
When I wrote SHARED and SHARED TOO it was the polygamous relationship that fascinated me as much as the sexy stuff – although I have to admit the steamy moments do get the lion’s share of the attention in these books. But the practicalities of three people living together, all with needs, emotions and desires had me wondering. How would it work?
Initially I thought about how the situation would come about – in SHARED’s case it all stemmed from a small ad in the local paper, “Room to let- wanted girl to share”. These two gorgeous, workaholic hunks just stated what they wanted and got it! Ariane. One reviewer over at Miz Love Loves Books said of SHARED…
As well as being an entertaining story, Shared has the potential to make you sit and think. I suspect this is a trait of Ms. Harlem’s. She doesn’t just write a book. She writes “What Ifs” that prod the mind long after the book has ended.

This of course got me thinking more about the “What Ifs”. What if two of them argued? Would the third intervene? It would be hard not to if the person you loved was upset, but how could it not be seen as interfering or taking sides? Also, how would the relationship be seen by the rest of the world? Living in a threesome is not your typical set-up even in this day and age, especially when there are kids involved. I enjoyed tackling these issues when I wrote SHARED TOO which is set ten years on from when Liam, Quinn and Ariane first met.
So to the sex bit. I’ve never indulged in a threesome, came close once! So I’m going to hand over to Ariane, the heroine of SHARED and SHARED TOO and an expert in keeping two hot, highly sexual men satisfied. Welcome Ariane,
Ariane – Hi, thanks for bringing me along to 9 Naughty Novelists, Lily, it is so great to be here. Liam and Quinn are complete workaholics as you know, they work hard and play hard. Quinn, intense and brooding, likes to be centre of attention. He also likes—no, make that insists—on having what he wants. The plus side of this is he’s equally intent on giving me what I want, every time! Liam, on the other hand, is more laid back, not to say he isn’t hot, hard and ready the majority of the time. He is. He just glides through life with a more relaxed attitude, not surprising really after what he’s been through.
Okay so here goes - my tips for keeping it real in the sack with two guys. You should probably know at this point that Liam and Quinn don’t have the hots for one another, they’re just into me, which is perfect as far as I am concerned.
Establish guidelines
If you're going to have sex with two men then all three of you will have limits which may differ, so understanding and respecting one another's comfort levels should be a top priority. Talk beforehand and establish what you are up for and what is a definite no-no for each you! If they can’t respect your rules then this isn’t going to work. There is a difference from being taken out of your comfort zone and trying something new and exciting to doing something you simply don’t want to do.
Remember each guy may suddenly feel jealous, so try your best not to shut either out. Think equal give and take at all times and keep in mind that the object of the game is to share sex between three people, not two with one watching – unless of course that has been previously agreed. Mmm, that can be fun sometimes. J
Although some people try to drink their way to bravery for a threesome, drunken sex usually ends up being bad sex. If you want to have a glass of wine or two to loosen up, that's fine, but no more. You want to be at optimum performance, as well as perfectly tuned into your body for all that delicious arousal.
Pleasure in one-on-one sex goes back and forth, but in a threesome it's more of a cycle that moves from person to person. So focus on turning each man on. To do that you will need to multi-task, but hey, we’re women, we can do that. So be generous with your hands and mouth, even if, for example you are receiving oral sex, your hands and mouth are still free. Get busy, girl!
Thoughtful penetration
Penetration automatically forms a bond between you and one man, leaving the other out. For this reason, allow penetration only when you're sure both men are comfortable with it. Your natural inclination will be to pay close attention to the man burying himself deep inside you, but you mustn't focus on him entirely. This is about the three of you, so keep that thought in mind. Kiss and touch the other man, look him in the eye, and talk to him if the mood is appropriate. If you are comfortable with having double penetration then make sure the guys have the logistics and the lube sorted—you’re not going to be able to concentrate!
Be Safe
Condoms are a necessity if this is not a committed, long term relationship between all three of you.
Quinn likes his sex toys. He has quite a collection of handcuffs, vibrators, paddles and plugs. Last year he bought me some Chinese love balls and made me wear them when he took me out to dinner. Phew! I was so turned on from squirming in my seat we didn’t make it home, he had to pull over in the lane and sort me out.
Liam likes toys too, sometimes, but we don’t play with toys very often as a threesome - though Quinn certainly finds a new one in SHARED TOO he is rather fond of. So I would say for newbies at threesomes to steer clear of toys to start with, unless it’s something you are very familiar with, because let’s face it, two cocks and a selection of orifices really should be enough to keep everyone happy.
End result
At the end of the day, or night, all three of you should be sated and have achieved climax, not necessarily at the same time, because if we are being honest, synchronising orgasm can be hard with two of you. Add in an extra person, and it gets pretty damn tricky. In fact, if you do achieve it, you all deserve medals! Though, from your point of view, being adored and caressed by two ready, willing and able men means there’s no reason on earth why you can’t go for multiple!
Lily - Thanks so much for helping me out with those tips, Ariane, I’m so glad you could step out of your busy life and away from your hunky husbands to spend time with us. I hope readers enjoyed this post about menage a trois. It is a subject that’s here to stay in fiction and why not? It is such gloriously naughty fun!!
Lily x
SHARED TOO – just released – here- http://www.jasminejade.com/p-9259-shared-too.aspx
Lily’s website – www.lilyharlem.com


Lily Harlem said...

Thanks so much for letting me hang out today :-)

Lily x

Meg Benjamin said...

Hi LIly, welcome to the Naughty Nine. Interesting post!

Juniper Bell said...

Lily!!!! So great to see you here. And you brought Ariane too, how fantastic! It's great to get some inside information on just how those live-in threesomes work. Now I think I'll have to go right to the source ... can't wait to read Shared Too! Ariane, thanks so much for taking time from your busy life (ahem) to join us.

Kelly Jamieson said...

Welcome to the Naughty Nine Lily! I LOVED this post (no one is surprised by that, right?) and you have SO mande me want read your books. Right now.

Erin Nicholas said...

Love the post Lily! I'm exhausted and jealous thinking of Ariane's life *G*
Going to check out Shared now!

daydrmzzz said...

Love the post! and really enjoyed the books as well :) I already read em :P @ everyone who hasn't read em yet.

Lily Harlem said...

Oh, you are all so sweet :-)

Hope you'll let me come and play again one day.

Lily x

Harlie Reader said...

Great post and interview. These are on the Nook right now to read.

Maureen said...

Wow, how come I never found your blog and books before? I'm really looking forward to a good read!