A Tall Tale of Panting Passion

The year:


1818

The location: 

Netherloin Park, Somewhere in England

Home to His Grace, the Duke of Earl

A single man in possession of no fortune...

Meet Colin Darcy, Duke of Earl. Colin is in no great hurry to become leg-shackled to any female, no matter how comely, but with the future of his estate in financial peril, his uncle assures him that marriage to a titled heiress is the only possible solution. Colin is certain his uncle's choice for him, Lady Chastity Feelsgood, will make a fine wife—for somebody else. But Colin has other dreams and aspirations. And in these dreams there are perfect maidens swooning at his feet. There's high adventure on the open ocean. There's rum to be swilled, swords to be crossed, wind in his hair...he's on a boat.

So what's a disaffected duke to do?

Why, run away to sea, of course, where he can live the care-free life of a cut-throat pirate, buckling swashes, battening hatches, uncovering bountiful treasure chests and testing his mettle in endless battles against...ninjas?

Ninja vs Pirate...

The only survivor of the shipwreck that claimed the lives of her family, Quinn Fitzgerald was rescued and raised by Ninjas. Now known as Quan Yin the Ninja Queen, she sails the seven seas defeating pirates, reclaiming plunder and setting innocent captives free.

Colin, however, is one innocent buccaneer whose booty she'd like to repeatedly plunder and in this duel-of-wills the only thing likely to be captured is her heart.

But whilst the duke is away...

Enter Firth...that is, Westley, or should we say, Roberts? Whatever. All we know for certain is he's the scurrilous Dread Highwayman who's come to Netherloin to take Colin's place. Blackmailed by the missing duke's evil uncle Wickham, Firth/Westley/Roberts agrees to impersonate the lost duke, marry the heiress, pass the...that is, save the duchy and split the lady's dowry with Wickham.

After all, where's the bad? The actual duke is undoubtedly dead (and therefore unlikely to object too strenuously to the impersonation) and the venison is delicious. But the pseudo-duke is lost when he comes face to face with his destiny—the beautiful and very proper Miss Julia Fitzgerald.

In love with a proper scoundrel...

Poor Julia. Left orphaned and destitute when her father's eponymously named ship, the Edmund Fitzgerald, foundered off the coast of Japan, Miss Fitzgerald counted herself lucky when she convinced the Duke of Earl to engage her as governess to his ward, Ward. But there's something different about the duke these days. And although Julia can't quite put her finger on what that difference is, her maiden's heart responds to it.

How very unfortunate for her that, just as she finds she's fallen in love with him, the duke should suddenly choose to announce his betrothal to another.

A Tart in any other age...

Just like her descendent and namesake, Lady Chastity Feelsgood is nobody's fool. By which, of course, we mean she's not yet been spoken for by anyone. Determined not to be left on the shelf, this black widow bride will stop at nothing to trap the Duke or trick him into marriage.

But in this shell game that is life at Netherloin, a lady must be very careful at which Duke she sets her cap. 

Keep your friends close...and your family closer.

Best known for his inability to differentiate between parrots and ducks, the duke's uncle and guardian, the honorable Willoughby Wickham the fourteenth, did not start out a villain...although there's a certain bird who might tell you otherwise.

But, unfortunate incidents aside, Wickham clearly has the Duke of Earl's best interests at heart—a fact that remains constant regardless of whoever happens to be answering to the title at the moment. Because, after all, one duke is very much like another.

Birds in their little nests agree...

Life at Netherloin would be a lot easier for Mr. Wickham if it weren't for Pemberley the peerless peer's purple pet parrot.  This lovely lavender light o' wing takes the prize as the most loyal member of the duke's household, and the most loquacious.

Pemberley's had his eye on Wickham for a long time now. Sooner or later, one of the others will have to notice...won't they?

Children should be seen and not heard.

The only resident of Netherloin who's more intelligent and, sadly, even less significant than Pembereley is the duke's ward...Ward.

The duke's not quite sure how he ended up with a ward in the first place and Ward's even less certain how he ended up in Netherloin's nursery where no one seems to listen to a word he says and the double  threat of warm milk and early bedtimes haunts his every waking hour.

*****

Be sure to join us next Thursday when we unleash the scandalous first installment of this sensational new serial. 

Love's Savage Whiplash