In honor of April Fools Day, we April fools would like to share with you some of our favorite funnies. Have a happy, foolish Friday!
Courtesy of Mr. Juniper, circa 9 years old:
Take the sprayer next to the kitchen sink faucet. Put a rubber band around the handle. Position it so it's pointing toward whoever uses the faucet
next. Stand back and wait. Prepare for old school April Fool's hilarity!
A motorist stopped his car on the outskirts of town and asked directions from an elderly farmer working in a field with a horse-drawn plow. The farmer appeared to be in his late sixties, and the stranger was impressed with the vigor with which he tackled his chores.
"Aren't you a little old to be doing heavy work like this?" he asked.
"Ain't so bad," the farmer replied. "My pa is an awful big help."
"Your father is alive?"
"Yup. That's him up by the barn there, pitching manure."
The stranger spotted the old gentleman in the distance. "But that's amazing. How old is he, anyway?"
"I can't believe it. A man his age ought not to be exerting himself like that."
"Well, ordinarily Grandpa is around to help."
"You have a grandfather? Good heavens, how old would he be?"
"Hundred and three."
"This is astonishing. Where is he now?"
"On his honeymoon."
"You mean to tell me that he just got married? Why on earth would a man his age want to do that?"
"Didn't want to. Had to."
A man checked into his hotel in Tampa and was a bit lonely. He thought he’d call one of those girls you see advertised in phone books like escorts and such. He picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!
He figured, what the heck, give her a call.
"Hello," the woman says . God, she sounded sexy.
Afraid he would lose his nerve if he hesitated, he rushed right in. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything! Now, how does that sound?"
"That sounds fantastic," she says, "but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
To me, nothing says April Fool's Day like an Improve Everywhere skit.
Here's one called Ted's Birthday:
Ok, a librarian comic from one of my favorite comic strips. I don't actually feel like this at work, b/c I work in a law firm - but I felt like this a lot back when I worked in a bookstore. Ok, sometimes I feel like this when an attorney says she doesn't remember the title or the author but it's about antitrust and it has a blue cover.
Oops. April fools gone wrong
Here's an April Fools' Day prank from 1998--great for the lefties among us (meeee)! The Burger King Left-Handed Whopper
Because April fool's is SO NOT MY HOLIDAY had to go searching. But found this which definitely made me giggle:
Which led to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTM0L9aMenU&NR=1
And,for some reason, to this --which I really love but isn't really prank, just funny:
Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat.
"Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned.
"Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world."
"Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!"
"That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?"
"Let's go!" says Ned.
The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave.
"That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!"
"Let's go!" says Ned.
The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave.
Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!"
"Benny!" says Ned, "Let's go!"
When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up.
"Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says,
"Ned. You're the most popular man in the world."
"I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!"
"Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?"